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RIPLEY Starring: Andrew Scott, Johnny Flynn, Dakota Fanning, and Maurizio Lombardi Creator: Steven Zaillian QUENTIN Although I admit there are things I very much respect about Ripley , including the beautiful black & white cinematography, score, and classically vintage feel, I ultimately think that the series is too long and too artsy for its own good. So many episodes are filled with long stretches completely absent of dialogue, and there are a surprising number of sequences that are of Tom Ripley (Andrew Scott) simply walking alone on narrow Italian streets and stairways. Maybe having seen 1999’s The Talented Mr. Ripley made this miniseries far less engaging, especially as it delivers the same story in roughly triple the (slow-paced) runtime, but hard yawn. AMARÚ Andrew Scott is one of the most enigmatic actors working today, but not even his charming cadence can save Ripley from being an absolute bore. As I sat there watching people talk in black & white, I felt like I was waiting in a roller-coaster line, being forced to watch those stylized explainer stories five times before finally getting on. However, the resulting thrill ride never came. None of Scott’s machinations, whether verbal or violent, were enough to get me to care about what was happening. I’d much rather watch The Equalizer 3 again if I want a slow-burn Italian-based thriller. PAIGE It should come as no surprise that Andrew Scott has a superb grasp of Ripley's cold, cunning, and menacing demeanor, but there is something off about this adaptation. The unpleasant charm that characterized Matt Damon's portrayal of the character in the 1999 film is absent from Scott. Don't get me wrong…this limited series is a visually stunning black-and-white noir thriller; however, appearances can be deceiving because the narrative lacks an endearing story despite having lots of mood and style. Regretfully, Ripley lacks the excitement of a thriller, and is a slow paced, hollow series.

SQUID GAME: SEASON ONE Starring: Lee Jung-jae, Park Hae-soo, Wi Ha-Joon, Hoyeon, Oh Yeong-su, Heo Sung-tae, Anupam Tripathi, and Kim Joo-Ryung QUENTIN Netflix's global phenomenon Squid Game mostly delivers on its immense hype. The commentary on capitalism, wealth inequality, human nature, and sexism is razor sharp and illustrated through scenes of ruthless brutality that are shot in a candy-colored visual palette reminiscent of Wes Anderson. The series also features characters that have surprising depth and moments that are extremely tense, thrillingly visceral, and unexpectedly emotional. However, one subplot and a sequence at the end, both of which feel completely unnecessary, brings it down a notch. Still, this Parasite meets Battle Royale (with a hint of The Platform ) is definitely worth your time.

CHAD POWERS: SEASON ONE Starring: Glen Powell, Steve Zahn, Toby Huss, Perry Mattfeld, Wynn Everett, and Frankie A. Rodriguez Creators: Glen Powell and Michael Waldron AMARÚ When you have a ridiculous premise, you need to deliver on two things: ridiculously hilarious comedy and ridiculously genuine heart. Chad Powers has both in spades. It’s the crassest and crudest live-action comedy I’ve seen in a minute, and a key example of “if it’s funny you can get away with anything”. But it also helps tremendously that at the show’s heart are true representations of the hardships that come with being an athlete. Sports tropes, while highly repetitive, are highly relatable, and when you mix empathetic characters with hysterically offensive comedy, you can’t do anything but shake your head and laugh your ass off. ROBERT I am not in the Glen Powell camp personally, so a passion project from him about football, as produced by the Manning Brothers, didn’t scream “must-watch.” However, if Ted Lasso could succeed as a premise built from a silly commercial, why not Chad Powers ? The differences lie in the writing and acting. Where Lasso is fresh and hopeful, Powers is shallow and reliant on vulgarity for comedy. I couldn’t get over how improbable it was that everyone fell for all the stupid lies and makeup. Also, Powell’s Russ redeeming himself in six episodes felt quick, falling apart faster than Chad’s latex face. QUENTIN Given its 80s premise (think Soul Man and Just One of the Guys ), there is a certain nostalgic charm to Chad Powers . That charm is only furthered by Glen Powell's natural charisma and, depending on your personal interest, a football-centric plot. That said, it’s a fairly forgettable series that considers liberal use of “retard" edgy. At just six episodes, the story is pretty rushed, which would be fine if the jokes hit, but they are, at best, of the chuckle-under-your-breath variety. I wouldn’t call it a waste of time because I did enjoy it well enough, but it’s not exactly worth going out of your way. NICK What do you get when you mix Mrs. Doubtfire and Blue Mountain State ? Chad Powers . Although this series isn’t as good as either of those ingredients, it has its moments. However, Glen Powell as the titular character does a lot of the heavy lifting to make those moments come to fruition. His comedic timing and commitment make the most of (at best) snicker-worthy comedy, but the script often lets down the supporting cast. I think there’s something here worth continuing, but Chad Powers needs a lot of improvements and possibly a few different writers if it wants to justify another season.

ARNOLD Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger Creator: Lesley Chilcott NICK Arnold is Netflix's second collaboration (FUBAR being the first) with the famous Austrian, and it's certainly the better of the two projects. Arnold Schwarzenegger (often seen relaxing with a cigar) goes through the three main phases of his life from bodybuilding to acting to politics, and he does so openly and honestly…for the most part. Arnold is often painted in a bright light here, so this won't be the doc for you if you're looking for an unbiased take. However, if, like me, you’re drawn to the presence that is Arnold and his unwavering confidence, there’s enough here to create an informative and admirable docuseries. QUENTIN I wouldn’t exactly call Arnold a self-aggrandizing vanity project for Arnold Schwarzenegger, but it stays overly positive while only briefly glancing over controversies from the star’s past. My biggest problem, though, is that I didn’t really learn anything new. Obviously, that will vary from person to person, but this documentary plays out like Arnold reading his own Wikipedia page for three hours. It’s not terrible, as Arnold is immensely watchable even as he does nothing more than sit in a chair and smoke a cigar, but this series would have benefited from additional commentaries from his contemporaries and a less sanitized examination of the icon.

MOVING: SEASON ONE Starring: Seung-ryong Ryu, Han Hyo-joo, Zo In-sung, Tae-Hyun Cha, Seung-beom Ryu, Kim Seong-gyoon, Lee Jeong-Ha, Go Yoon-Jung, and Do-Hoon Kim Creators: Kang Full, In-je Park, and Younseo Park PRESTON If you have seen Heroes (2006), you will have a pretty decent approximation of the quality and plotline for this foreign series contemporary. Moving provides excellent CGI effects and is a lovely amalgamation of extreme violence and measured melodrama. Character development is where this series excels, but it is offset by the slow pacing used to accomplish the task, probably making a binge watch of Season One, which rings in at 20 episodes, feel like quite the chore. Additionally, K-drama newcomers will need to adjust to the “overacting” (and subtitles) that seems to be unique to the genre. Overall, though…very watchable.

LOOT: SEASON TWO Starring: Maya Rudolph, Michaela Jaé Rodriguez, Ron Funches, Nat Faxon, Joel Kim Booster, Stephanie Styles, Adam Scott, and Meagen Fay Creators: Matt Hubbard and Alan Yang AMARÚ Both seasons of Loot have extreme highs (digging into its stacked cast’s characters and a crazy good soundtrack) and extreme lows (unfunny satirical jokes and bits). This latest season initially caved to those base impulses, but quickly turned its focus to the charming characters and their inherently quirky relationships. For the love of all that’s hilarious, ignore the first episode, as the swerve into the ensemble’s strong chemistry is as effective as its brilliant guest stars (Benjamin Bratt and O-T Fagbenle are having the most fun). Did I mention the great soundtrack? Because… damn, it’s fabulous. Bravo, Season Two. Bravo!

SURFACE: SEASON ONE Starring: Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Stephan James, Ari Graynor, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, François Arnaud, and Millie Brady Creator: Veronica West QUENTIN Surface is the type of soapy schlock made for Basic Bs who celebrate Wine Wednesday by drinking moscato out of their “Wine is Cheaper than Therapy” glass, except it doesn’t even have the decency to deliver the outlandish twists, trashy thrills, or erotic sensibilities that usually make this type of show watchable. Despite Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s best efforts in a role that I’d bet money was first offered to Nicole Kidman, this series is built on poor and lazy writing, an uninteresting mystery, and thinly drawn characters. Honestly, everyone involved deserves better than Surface , even you.

COUNTDOWN: SEASON ONE Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jessica Camacho, Eric Dane, Violett Beane, Uli Latukefu, and Elliot Knight Creator: Derek Haas QUENTIN Trigger warning: If you enjoy lowest-common-denominator network garbage like FBI and Quantico — or you’re part of the Supernatural fandom that thinks Jensen Ackles is worth getting excited about — congrats! Prime has just the show for you in Countdown . Between the melodrama, a “will they/won’t they” subplot, terrible dialogue, bland and stereotypical characters, ad-conscience sterilization, and awful soundtracking, this series would have been right at home on CBS. It even has that cheap network gloss. This likely would have been a ratings hit on network TV, but I’m not sure this type of rubbish can survive streaming, especially when it’s not being released as a binge watch.

Previous Next August 30, 2023 WRITTEN BY: QUENTIN When it comes to film (and television, for that matter), it’s hard to find a genre more agreed upon than “based on a true story.” Almost everyone, from the Academy to the casual filmgoer, loves a true story, be it a historical epic, a biopic, or a true crime docuseries. Even ignoring television, which saw upwards of ten different series that were based on true stories gain Emmy nominations this year, we’ve seen countless true movies also released, ranging from comedies like The Beanie Bubble to adrenaline-fueled underdog stories like Gran Turismo to prestige dramas like Oppenheimer , with Napoleon , Dumb Money , Killers of the Flower Moon , Ferrari and several more still to come. Given the genre’s popularity, let’s look at some historical events and people that deserve their big-budget Hollywood treatment. These are fascinating stories that, for whatever reason, keep getting glossed over for the next formulaic musical biopic. Now, inclusion here isn’t to say there has never been a movie made about the given subject, only that the examples below have mostly been relegated to supporting roles in movies about other people or miniseries and made-for-tv movies that, at this point, feel dated. So, let’s fix that, Hollywood. Like Dutch historian Johan Huizinga said, “no other discipline has its portals so wide open to the general public as history.” Step through that portal with me, won’t you? GRIGORI YEFIMOVICH RASPUTIN Rasputin was known as a faith healer, a mystic, a prophet, and a religious charlatan, but most importantly, he was a peasant who became an advisor and family friend to Nicholas II, the last Emperor of Russia. However, when it comes to specific details about Rasputin’s life and death, most of what we know is rooted in hearsay and rumor. Those rumors are as wild as they come, though. There are rumors that he was a member of Khlysty, a religious sect whose rituals supposedly included self-flagellation and sexual orgies. He was rumored to have had affairs with Alexandra (Nicholas II’s wife and the Empress of Russia), as well as Nicholas and Alexandra’s four daughters (the Grand Duchesses). He was accused of multiple rapes and blatant religious heresy while maintaining a cult following and purportedly performing miracles. As the Emperor’s advisor, he used his position and access to accept bribes and sexual favors while expanding his influence, an influence that ultimately led to the end of the Romanov’s 304-year long dynasty in 1917. Lastly, the rumors surrounding his assassination, some of which have been disproven, have been the stuff of legend for over 100 years. He is an enigmatic and mysterious character, and his dark story is full of political intrigue, scandal, violence, and murder. The Pitch: The dark, gothic atmosphere of From Hell meets the period piece political thrills and production design of Mary Queen of Scots Director: David Fincher Starring: Joaquin Phoenix as Rasputin MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL The MLB in the 80s and 90s was a lawless land, full of colorful stories worthy of the big screen treatment. How colorful, you ask? First and foremost, you have the World Series-winning 1986 Mets, a team that was known for its heavy-drinking, cocaine-snorting, plane-destroying, hard-partying ways. I mean, there are tales of team fights (plural) where raw steaks and cake were used as weapons, and cocktails of amphetamines and beer being consumed between innings in the dugout. Not enough? How about the Pittsburgh Drug Trials, from which several crazy stories were uncovered, including John Milner taking himself out of a game to buy cocaine in the stadium bathroom, and Tim Raines admitting he always slid headfirst because he didn’t want to break the vials of cocaine in his back pocket. On top of that, you’ve got the start of the steroid era in Oakland with The Bash Brothers, Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire. You’ve got the collusion scandal of 1985. You’ve got Wade Boggs reportedly drinking 107 beers on a cross-country flight. You’ve got the chain-smoking owner of the Cincinnati Reds, Marge Schott, making almost daily racist comments to the media, including sympathetic remarks about Adolf Hitler. You’ve got Pete Rose, the manager of those same Reds, betting tens of thousands of dollars on games that he was managing. And that doesn’t even touch on other iconic things from the era, like Kirk Gibson’s homerun, Bill Buckner, “Fernandomania,” the 1989 Loma Prieta Earthquake, and so on. Some liberties would need to be taken with the timeline, and there is no way MLB signs off so it will have to be a stand-in league, but a movie from the Commissioner’s perspective, showing how one deals with all these shenanigans while trying to run a major sports league, could be…dare I say….a homerun. (sorry, not sorry) The Pitch: The no-holds-barred, behind-the-scenes examination and ensemble cast of Any Given Sunday meets the irreverent tone of The Wolf of Wall Street meets the day-in-the-life story structure of Hail Caesar! Director: Martin Scorsese Starring: Matt Damon as The Commissioner THE HARLEM HELLFIGHTERS Recent award-winning movies like All Quiet on the Western Front and 1917 notwithstanding, there really aren’t a ton of movies about World War I, and there are even fewer that look at the contributions of African Americans during The Great War (or any war if we’re being honest). I think a good place to start giving credit is the 369th Infantry Harlem Hellfighters. The Hellfighters, an all-black regiment under the command of white officers, was among the first U.S. regiments to arrive in France during WWI. They spent 191 days in combat, which was longer than any other American unit in the war. I’m telling you, this unit was feared. In one example, Private Henry Johnson, armed with nothing more than a bolo knife and an unloaded rifle, single-handedly fought off more than 20 Germans to save the life of a fellow soldier, incurring 21 wounds in the process. As a result, the German army began referring to him as “Black Death,” and President Theodore Roosevelt described him as one of the “five bravest Americans” to serve in the war. Johnson was awarded the Purple Heart, Distinguished Service Cross, and the U.S. Congressional Medal of Honor, not to mention he was the first American to be awarded the French Croix du Guerre (France’s highest military honor). And he is just one example of the many badasses that made up this unit. Overall, 171 of the Hellfighters went on to win individual medals, and the entire unit was eventually awarded the Croix du Guerre as well. If anyone’s war story needs to be told, it’s the Hellfighters, who were no doubt fighting an enemy on two fronts. The Pitch: The grounded realism of Saving Private Ryan meets the immersive nature of Dunkirk meets the racism-in-the-military commentary of Glory Director: Steve McQueen Starring: LaKeith Stanfield as Private Henry Johnson THE GREAT MOLASSES FLOOD If you’ve never heard of The Great Molasses Flood, it’s one of those “so crazy it must be true” stories. On January 15, 1919, a storage tank filled with 2.3 million gallons of molasses burst, causing waves of molasses measuring 25-feet high to flood the streets of Boston, MA. Before you process that information, I’d like you to take a second to picture just how thick and slow molasses is. Okay, got it? Now, picture a massive, almost three-story-high surge of molasses traveling 35 miles per hour down an old cobblestone street. With all due respect to the 21 people who died and the more than 150 people who were injured, it’s a comically absurd vision. Various newspapers of the era reported that people "were picked up by a rush of air and hurled many feet," and that the unlucky “died like…flies on sticky fly-paper.” Furthermore, as the molasses cooled (remember, this was winter in Boston), it became even thicker, trapping people and horses like the amber-encased mosquitos from Jurassic Park . Like cartoon quicksand, the more they struggled, the deeper in the mess they were ensnared. I’m telling you... this is a wild tale. Yes, it was an undeniably tragic event, but a loose adaptation also is ripe for an over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek action movie satire. The Pitch: The disaster film action sequences of San Andreas meets the self-aware bonkersness of Cocaine Bear meets the satire of Tropic Thunder Director: Phil Lord and Chris Miller Starring: Chris Evans in full Boston accent as The Hero GENGHIS KHAN Considering the legacy of Genghis Khan, it’s amazing that the only movie I can think of where he is featured is Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure . I mean, this a man whose influence led to the creation of the world’s largest empire, covering nearly all of Asia and most of Eastern Europe, more than doubling the size of Alexander the Great’s. Admittedly, very little is known about Khan, so maybe that’s why there aren’t many movies about him. That said, the approach to his story could go in several directions. Do you tell the hero’s story of how he rose from nothing to become the great unifier of the Mongol tribes? Or do you tell the villain’s story by exploring his conquests, during which an estimated 20-40 million people, or 5-10 percent of the world’s population from that time, died because of him. In Mongolia, he is highly revered as a symbol of national identity, but to earn that honor, he was a terrifying warlord that raped so many women that about 1 in 200 people today share his DNA. On the other hand, he also created Mongolia’s first writing and postal system, built the world’s fastest calvary and first artillery unit, expanded global trade, and encouraged meritocracy and religious tolerance. So, hero or villain? Why not both? …And to avoid the accuracy issue, use a fantastical action epic with multiple viewpoints to explore the dichotomy of societal progress and what it took to achieve it. The Pitch: The spellbinding fantasy visuals of The Green Knight meets the epic battle scenes of Game of Thrones meets the storytelling structure of Rashomon Director: George Miller Starring: Simu Liu as Genghis Khan (DISCLAIMER: Look, I know that Liu is not of Mongolian descent, but since I don’t know of any Mongolian actors, Chinese descent (Liu) is as close as I can get. So, instead of leaving this blank, I’m working with what I know. Sue me.) Photo Credits: Photo 1 - DeAgostini/Getty; Photo 2 - MLB; Photo 3 - What's Up Productions; Photo 4 - Boston Public Library; Photo 5 - Unknown

Previous Next October 22, 2024 WRITTEN BY: QUENTIN In 2024, Zurich Film Festival celebrated its 20th anniversary with a slate of over 100 movies. For me, since I already covered Cannes this year, I couldn’t attend the entire festival from beginning to end because I couldn’t pull myself away from my true day job to accommodate that level of commitment. However, I was able to attend the opening and final weekends (three days each). This allowed me to see 11 movies on the ground in Zurich, a personal slate that has been complimented by eight other films on the Zurich program that I was lucky enough to catch at Cannes. Sadly, because of the split weekend approach, I missed a few films I was very interested in, but I’ll get to them eventually. Those movies include Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story , the Jesse Eisenberg-directed A Real Pain , and Homegrown , “a harrowing portrait of Donald Trump's Hells Angels (aka Proud Boys).” Next year, though, my plan is to spend the entire festival at Zurich because, honestly, after two years of limited access, it has proven to be my favorite festival experience. I’m going to do it right next year and see all the things. Anyway, we'll get to that in 2025. On with this year's ranking… 19. QUEER Full disclosure: I have been coming to the realization that I’m just not a fan of director Luca Guadagnino. With Queer , that notion is solidified because I have almost nothing positive to say about the film. There are some terrific needle drops, and I’ll give Daniel Craig credit for a daring performance (I didn’t say a “great” performance. I truly don’t get the hype.). Otherwise, this is a 135-minute slog with nothing to say despite insisting on saying it in increasingly hallucinatory ways. With its lack of character development, unfocused and incoherent story, sleep-inducing pacing, and fake-looking production design, Queer is pretentious and self-indulgent trash. 18. BIRD Bird is the type of meandering coming-of-age movie that is more focused on eliciting heavy emotion and delivering sensitive realism than telling an A-to-B story. Movies like Aftersun come to mind, which just aren’t really my cup of tea. On top of that, hopeful messages of “everything is going to be okay” and “no one’s no one” don’t really resonate with this cynic. So, double whammy for me. That said, I recognize the film’s beauty, as well as the strong performances (Barry Keoghan, especially), but predict that others, particularly women, are likely to be more moved by this picture than I was. This review originally posted with Bitesize Breakdown’s coverage of the 77th Cannes Film Festival (2024). 17. WILLIAM TELL It seems like forever since we’ve received an old-school, historical epic in the vein of Braveheart , and although William Tell boasts all the hallmarks one would expect, it lacks a certain spark to truly rouse the viewer. Even in the film’s best and most intense sequence — the famed apple moment — something is lost since we already know how it ends. I understand such is the way with true stories, but this feeling of meh permeates the entire 135-minute runtime. On the plus side, the entire film is gorgeously shot, featuring tremendous cinematography and some of the most beautiful landscapes I’ve seen in a minute. 16. LEE Despite a committed performance from Kate Winslet and a solid against-type showing from Andy Samberg, Lee doesn’t offer much to engage the viewer. The beats of Lee Miller’s (Winslet) life feel cherry-picked and rushed, as if perhaps more interesting tidbits were left on the editing room floor simply to make for a shorter runtime, and while it certainly shows some atrocities of war, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Plus, the awkward framing device of a story being told in flashback is wholly unnecessary (especially the “reveal”). This all results in a film that fails to make the viewer truly invested. It’s beautifully shot, though. 15. ON BECOMING A GUINEA FOWL Have you ever watched a movie that you respect immensely even if you didn’t really enjoy the experience? On Becoming a Guinea Fowl is that type of movie. The messaging that abusers should be held accountable and that continuing to speak up even after being ignored is incredibly important. Plus, the representation of Zambian culture, tribal, and family dynamics is super enlightening. That said, this is not a movie I’d ever watch again, and I didn’t find my viewing experience to be personally rewarding. I did love the final shot, though. This review originally posted with Bitesize Breakdown’s coverage of the 77th Cannes Film Festival (2024). 14. THE UNHOLY TRINITY The Unholy Trinity doesn’t do anything particularly amazing or particularly terrible, resulting in the kind of movie that could easily play as a weekend cable rerun for years to come. The story, direction, and Western vibe are workmanlike and serviceable, while Pierce Brosnan and Samuel L. Jackson do their typical thing with expected success. Brandon Lessard, on the other hand, feels out of place. He often comes across as too modern, and he simply doesn’t have the acting chops to hold his own with his costars. Overall, he brings down the whole affair to a watchable but forgettable western. 13. BABYGIRL Perhaps this is more an issue of expectation management, but based on the trailers, I expected Babygirl to be…I don’t know…hot? Sure, nominally, it’s an erotic thriller, but it’s blandly clinical, lacking in overall sexiness and horny delights (many of which are reduced to montage form). That said, the performances are great, especially Nicole Kidman, who seemingly thrives playing the rich white woman with the imperfect perfect life, and writer-director Halina Reijn confidently explores sexual desires, repression, liberation, and power dynamics. It’s certainly not a bad movie, but it’s being marketed as titillating and lurid eroticism; since that’s not what Babygirl is, I walked away wanting. 12. THE LAST SHOWGIRL As cliché as the story is, recalling The Wrestler and Crazy Heart , The Last Showgirl is generally effective because of the ensemble cast and fresh take of seeing this familiar tale told from a woman’s perspective. Pamela Anderson, though a bit uneven, still gives the best performance of her career as a character that perhaps she understands better than anyone else could, and she’s elevated by terrific supporting turns from Dave Bautista and Jamie Lee Curtis. Sure, some plot points could have been fleshed out much more, and I didn’t care for the multitude of literally out-of-focus camera shots, but Showgirl is more successful than not. 11. CONCLAVE Conclave is amongst my most overhyped movies of the year (I blame Nick). That’s not to say it’s bad, but at no point did I find the story gripping or thrilling, which is kind of the point of a “conspiracy thriller,” no? Granted, it boasts terrific performances and is handsomely made, but the characters are so underdeveloped that the twists and turns (including a silly final reveal) never hit as hard as seemingly intended. I genuinely didn’t care who became Pope, and a movie like this requires the audience to take a side to work effectively. Conclave is decent, I suppose, but a disappointment, nonetheless. 10. JOKER: FOLIE À DEUX In Folie à Deux , Joaquin Phoenix seamlessly slides back into the character for which he won an Oscar, and Lady Gaga’s songbird talents are perfectly cast as the relative light to his darkness. That alone would make it worth your time. However, unlike Joker , this sequel actually has something to say, using a subtle meta touch to explore themes of celebrity, obsession, reality v. fantasy, and scandal as entertainment. It’s not flawless, admittedly, as the musical numbers contribute to disjointed pacing issues, but we’re still left with a sequel that, although not quite as good as its predecessor, is more ambitious, which makes it more worthy of respect. 9. GOOD ONE Good One is a tremendous feature directorial debut from India Donaldson, and a showcase for young star Lily Collias. Funny and insightful, understated yet complex, it explores Sam’s (Collias) transition from dependent teenager to empowered adult as she deals with two, generally harmless but not quite enlightened, middle-aged dads struggling to navigate the line between “daughter figure” and “fully realized woman.” Donaldson does a great job of putting us in Sam’s shoes as she observes their bickering, regrets, selfishness, and sexism, which creates a low-simmering tension throughout as we’re left wondering when enough might be enough. It’s simple and spare, but never slight, and always compelling. This review originally posted with Bitesize Breakdown’s coverage of the 77th Cannes Film Festival (2024). 8. THE ASSESSMENT On its surface, The Assessment is a tense and claustrophobic exploration into the difficulties of parenthood. On top of that, it has style to burn, as well as three tremendous performances, none more excellent than Alicia Vikander in one of the best showings of her career. However, as the story widens its aperture into broader world-building and deeper commentaries on bureaucracy and “this could really happen” stakes, it loses the thread a bit. There is still a lot to like in The Assessment , including some self-validation that being a parent isn’t for me, but it just barely misses sticking the landing. 7. THE KINGDOM (aka LE ROYAUME ) Although generally a coming-of-age tale, The Kingdom takes a darker and grittier approach than most genre offerings by focusing on the daughter of a Corsican mob leader in the middle of a gang war. It’s like watching Narcos from the perspective of Pablo Escobar’s daughter, which delivers two captivating aspects we don’t often see: 1. The effects gang life has on unaffiliated family members; 2. the dichotomy of a ruthless crime lord that is, first and foremost, a loving father. It makes for a taut, moving, and gripping experience. Even more impressive? This is director/writer Julien Colonna’s and star Ghjuvanna Benedetti’s feature debuts. This review originally posted with Bitesize Breakdown’s coverage of the 77th Cannes Film Festival (2024). 6. THE ORDER Simply put, The Order is good, old-fashioned filmmaking for grown-ups, with no gimmicks, no frills, and no egregious attempts to overdo it. At its core is a compellingly intense true story that plays like a mix of Hell or High Water and BlacKkKlansman , all of which is driven by terrific (but not necessarily awards-worthy) performances from Jude Law and Nicholas Hoult. That said, while I could nitpick a few undercooked narrative choices, when the end result is something this riveting (not to mention beautiful to look at because the cinematography and landscapes are top shelf), it’s easier to just give yourself over to it. 5. THE APPRENTICE Much like Oliver Stone’s W. , The Apprentice offers a surprisingly sympathetic origin story to Donald Trump (Sebastian Stan), showing the evolution from Trump the Man to Trump the Brand. However, with Trump being such a divisive individual, it’s hard to pinpoint how much one’s politics will influence their opinion of the movie because, although it’s not exactly assaultive, it’s definitely not flattering. All that aside, though, the soundtrack, production design, and performances…especially Stan, who nails Trump’s mannerisms without ever falling into an SNL -style impression…are all on point. The quality certainly is there to make it worth your time if you can get past any political blockers. This review originally posted with Bitesize Breakdown’s coverage of the 77th Cannes Film Festival (2024). 4. HERETIC In Heretic , the villain, played by a disarmingly deranged and against-type Hugh Grant, poses questions and tests of faith to two Mormon missionaries (Sophie Thatcher and Chloe East, both excellent). On premise alone, I had extremely high hopes because I love anything that deconstructs religion. Thankfully, the film delivers. While it isn’t “scary” in the traditional sense, it is a powder keg of tension and palpable suspense, featuring deceptively menacing dialogue and thought-provoking questions. In what has been a strong year for horror, Heretic proves to be one of 2024’s best. I’m not sure it works with anyone else but Grant, though. 3. ANORA Director Simon Baker’s Anora is easily his most accessible, commercial, and polished film to date. It’s also his best, electric with chaotic energy that rarely abates as it sprints through a sex- and laugh-filled comedy of errors. At the center of the whirlwind is Mikey Madison, who gives a star-making performance that is funny, fierce, empowering, and ultimately heartbreaking. If you can imagine Pretty Woman mixed with Uncut Gems , then you’ve got a pretty good idea of what’s in store. It’s worthy of any and all awards consideration it’s surely to garner. This review originally posted with Bitesize Breakdown’s coverage of the 77th Cannes Film Festival (2024). 2. SEPTEMBER 5 Seemingly out of nowhere (it didn’t play at Sundance, Toronto, Cannes, or Venice), September 5 is a dark horse contender for Best Picture. Admittedly, I’m a sucker for journalism movies, but this one is driven by the narrative’s “as-it-unfolds” propulsiveness, which creates an electric, suspenseful, and thrilling look at news media doing live coverage of a terrorist attack for the first time. On top of that, with what is currently happening with Israel and Gaza, it’s as timely and relevant now as the real-life events were in 1972. Add in terrific performances from the entire ensemble, and you’ve got one of the year’s very best. 1. FLOW I surely didn’t expect one of the best films out of fest season to be a dialogue-free animated movie about a cat and other animals fighting for survival during a flood, yet here we are. With beautiful animation and surprisingly deep characterizations that should embarrass lots of other movies (again, zero dialogue), Flow is a tense, spellbinding, and emotional treatise on the importance of working together. It’s equal parts cute and poignant, appealing to both children and adults alike, especially those who played Stray or enjoy cat videos on YouTube. It’s already one of my favorite animated movies of all time. This review originally posted with Bitesize Breakdown’s coverage of the 77th Cannes Film Festival (2024).

Previous Next August 20, 2025 WRITTEN BY: QUENTIN While it’s true we are about to enter film festival season, when most eventual award winners start trickling out, something else is also brewing. Football is back, baby! Despite me being a massive fan of both movies and football, I’m not entirely sure where the overlap is between the two fandoms. However, I’d venture to say that most football fans probably enjoy movies about football. I’d also bet that many of those individuals play fantasy football. That’s where I come in… With the NFL season starting in a few weeks, most fantasy players are doing fantasy draft prep, myself included. But I’m also preparing for multiple film festivals. I recently applied to both Zurich and Sundance Film Festivals (among others), which means I need to look ahead to what their slates might be so I know what movies to prioritize. Meanwhile, I’ve long been studying which NFL players might be a breakout, bust, or sleeper this season. In splitting my research time between movies and fantasy football, the two lines of thinking merged, prompting the following question: Who would be on my Fictional Fantasy Football Team? The rules are simple… 1. Only fictional football players, television or film. That means no players based on real people, so no one from the likes of Remember the Titans or Invincible . 2. To maintain some variety, no two players from the same movie. Otherwise, I might end up drafting everyone from Any Given Sunday . 3. I’m limiting myself to movies and series that I’ve seen, which means there might be some glaring omissions, in your opinion. For example, I never watched NBC’s Friday Night Lights , so no Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch) or Brian “Smash” Williams (Gaius Charles). 4. Obviously, comparing high school players to NFL players is a fool’s errand, so I’m working with the general caveat that “all things are created equal,” meaning all fictional players are playing in the same league. Frankly, there just aren’t enough football movies to make this work otherwise. A stud high school player in Varsity Blues is the same as a stud professional in The Replacements . Also, I’m assuming all players are in their prime. 5. I’m going with the standard lineup: QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, FLEX, K, DST. Also, this is a PPR league (point per reception). 6. Lastly, I’m obviously not drafting against anyone else, so this team, in my eyes, is the best team available based on the rules above. Now, to quote Hank Williams, Jr., “are you ready for some FOOTBALLLLLLLLL!?!?!” QUARTERBACK: PAUL “WRECKING” CREWE, THE LONGEST YARD Specifically, I’m talking about the 1974 version of the character played by Burt Reynolds, not the 2005 version played by Adam Sandler. Nothing against Sandler, but Reynolds was a scholarship football player at Florida State, so his Crewe clearly has a more athletic build and probably better skillset than Sandler’s Crewe. Plus, real talk, quarterbacks in the 70s were just tougher than they are today. That notwithstanding, in his one on-screen game, he (eventually) shows composure, grit, determination, and leadership as he wills his team back from a 35-13 deficit against a dirty team not playing by the rules. He demonstrates incredible accuracy, the ability to make plays with his legs, and a solid game IQ. He’s also a former NFL MVP, so the talent is there to be an elite fantasy QB. RUNNING BACK: JULIAN “J-MAN” WASHINGTON, ANY GIVEN SUNDAY Look, I get that Julian Washington (LL Cool J) is a diva and one of the most selfish football players in on-screen history. However, this is a fantasy squad. I just need him to rack up yards and touchdowns, not be a positive locker room presence. For one, he’s stout at 6’2”, 230lbs. For comparison, the Philadelphia Eagles’ Saquon Barkley, who had a league-leading 2,283 total yards and 14 total touchdowns in 2024, is 6’, 234lbs. On top of that, Washington is a proven league-leading RB, having rushed for 1,500 yards the year before joining the Miami Sharks. He also has a reputation for constantly trying to get paid. Sure, that means his own head coach called him a “mercenary,” but it also means he’s doing everything in his power to hit all his incentive clauses and set up his next contract in free agency. In fantasy, that sort of selfishness wins championships. RUNNING BACK: RAY JENNINGS, DRAFT DAY We don’t have a ton of game film on Ray Jennings (Arian Foster), but there are a few anecdotes that make him a worthy RB2. We know that in his final season at Florida State, he had more than 2,000 total yards and finished as a Heisman finalist, which was enough to get him drafted #7 overall. We also know that his dad, Earl Jennings (Terry Crews) was an NFL legend, so there are good genes at play. Lastly, we know the actor portraying Jennings, former NFL RB Foster, was a dual-threat fantasy stud before injuries derailed his career. With the idea that actors put themselves into their characters, it’s not a giant leap to think Jennings could produce much like Foster did in his heyday, notching three All-Pro teams and four Pro-Bowls while leading the NFL in rushing touchdowns twice. WIDE RECEIVER: ROD TIDWELL, JERRY MAGUIRE Podcaster Bill Simmons once estimated that Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) had about 1,550 yards on 110 catches over the course of the season in Jerry Maguire . That is elite production, especially in 1996. For comparison, in real life, the most receptions in 1996 belonged to Jerry Rice (108) and the most receiving yards belonged to Isaac Bruce (1,338). So, yeah, he would have been the league’s best wideout. Although he is a bit undersized, he makes up for it with his intensity, competitiveness, and “kwan,” showing elite speed, great hands, and complete reliability as both a deep threat and a player who isn’t afraid to go across the middle. I could go on, but honestly, the estimated numbers speak for themselves. Tidwell is a first-round talent. WIDE RECEIVER: DEACON MOSS, THE LONGEST YARD You might think this is a cheat, but I said, “no two players from the same movie.” The Longest Yard (1974) and The Longest Yard (2005) are scientifically proven to be two separate movies. In fact, Deacon Moss (Michael Irvin) isn’t even a character in the original. Therefore, we’re good. In any case, Moss is a big-bodied, physical wideout that dominates defensive backs to make tough catches in traffic, and his incredible hands make him an indispensable offensive weapon. There is much we could speculate about how Moss would translate prison-yard skills to the NFL, but much like Ray Jennings, we have a perfect real-life parallel. Irvin, known as “The Playmaker,” was a three-time All-Pro and five-time Pro-Bowler who averaged almost 1,300 yards, 83 receptions, and seven touchdowns per season during his prime. The dude is an NFL Hall of Famer, and these numbers aren’t out of reach for Moss, whose inclusion is a no-brainer. When paired with Tidwell, that’s a 1-2 fantasy punch at WR that would be untouchable. TIGHT END: BRIAN MURPHY, THE REPLACEMENTS Much like real fantasy football, TE is slim pickings in fictional fantasy football too. After much research, Brian Murphy (David Denman) is the only fictional TE I could find with any usable profile. All evidence points to him having been a first-round talent if only he weren’t deaf, which is a good start. Former NFL fullback Derrick Coleman, also deaf, has shown that the hearing-impaired can have some NFL success. So, why not Murphy? He has the size and hands to be, if nothing else, a decent target in the red zone, as demonstrated by catching the game-winning, playoff-clinching touchdown against the Dallas Knights. At worst, he’s probably touchdown dependent, but that is all you can really hope for with most TEs, anyway. FLEX: BUDDY, AIR BUD: GOLDEN RECEIVER Wherever I happen to be as you’re reading this right now, just know that I can feel you rolling your eyes into another dimension. Just hear me out… First, yes, Buddy (Rush, Chase, Zak, and Chance) is a dog, but he’s also a multi-sport star. Name another athlete that has proven to be competitively successful in football, basketball, soccer, baseball, and volleyball. Second, name one person who could keep up with a golden retriever that runs the 40-yard dash in about 2.7 seconds. Given his speed and agility, Buddy is a matchup nightmare. Plus, it’s noted that he could run a marathon, so he has endurance too. As it pertains to football, specifically, he averages at least three touchdowns per game with zero drops. In the championship game alone, he has at least 140 rushing yards, 100 receiving yards, and three touchdowns. He averages 40 yards after the catch! You may think it’s silly to include him here, but those are Madden numbers, making for an unstoppable flex. It remains to be seen if he would be the highest scoring player in all of fantasy, but he’ll almost certainly be a very good boy, nevertheless. KICKER: LUCY DRAPER, NECESSARY ROUGHNESS Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland), a soccer player, is essentially the only offensive threat on a terrible team, which means since drives will inevitably stall in enemy territory, she will be inundated with field goal chances. She has also shown the ability to split the uprights in the driving rain and from distance with the game on the line, demonstrating the type of clutch poise that would make Ray Finkle jealous. Let’s not forget that she also stood up to an opposing player in tremendous fashion after being taunted for being a woman in a “man’s game,” so she’s got the moxie typical of most successful football players. DEFENSE/SPECIAL TEAMS: UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA, FORREST GUMP I admit, this one may be a cheat. Yes, I said no real people, but even as I recognize the University of Alabama is a real team, I’m drafting it for a very specific and very fictional reason: Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks). If you don’t play fantasy football, you may not know that, in addition to scoring fantasy points based on how many real points your fantasy defense gave up in a real game, you usually get points for kickoff and punt return yards and touchdowns too. Gump was a machine on that front, even becoming an All-American for seemingly doing little else but returning kickoffs for touchdowns (in the movie, at least). Now, Gump attended Alabama from 1959 to 1963. I don’t know anything else about the rest of Alabama’s team in the world of Forrest Gump , but in real life, Alabama went 38-4-1 during that time, including winning the national title in 1961 when they only gave up 25 total points in 11 games. I also know that Gump had six kickoff returns for touchdowns in his first season (both the real-life NCAA and NFL record is four in a season), one of which was for 99 yards. Lastly, in 2024, the average touchdowns scored by a DST was 1.6 (the Denver Broncos had the most with five). That includes touchdowns stemming from interceptions, fumble recoveries, kickoff returns, and punt returns. If Gump can continue breaking return touchdown records while racking up return yards in support of an apparently stout defensive unit, that creates a significant advantage over every other team.

THE WILDS: SEASON TWO Starring: Rachel Griffiths, Sarah Pidgeon, Mia Healey, Sophia Ali, Erana James, Shannon Berry, Reign Edwards, Jenna Clause, Alex Fitzalan, Reed Shannon, Aidan Laprete, Nicholas Coombe, Charles Alexander, Zack Calderon, Miles Gutierrez-Riley, Tanner Ray Rook, David Sullivan, and Troy Winbush. Creator: Sarah Streicher PAIGE The first season of The Wilds was one of the greatest surprises of 2020. I loved the coming-of-age story built on astonishing performances from the “Dawn of Eve” group; However, for Season Two, the show shifts the focus from the girls to the boys while doing absolutely nothing unique with them. Why!?! The addition of “Twilight of Adam” crammed too much underdeveloped story into this season, which left me wanting more. That said, with the way things are left in the finale, I can’t wait to see what the showrunners have in store for us. Give me Season Three now!