FUBAR: SEASON ONE Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Monica Barbaro, Milan Carter, Travis Van Winkle, Jay Baruchel, Aparna Brielle, Andy Buckley, Fortune Feimster, Barbara Eve Harris, Gabriel Luna, and Fabiana Udenio Creator: Nick Santora NICK With the television landscape changing over the last few years, it’s no longer enough to just have huge movie stars like Harrison Ford or Sylvester Stallone lead your series. It needs to be good. Unfortunately, the Arnold Schwarzenegger-led FUBAR is merely fine, but nothing more. Like many Arnold blockbusters, FUBAR is a bunch of fun fluff…and there’s nothing wrong with that…but as the series goes on, even his presence isn’t enough to lift it beyond mediocrity. There are moments of humour and the father/daughter dynamic is good, but some oddly cast side characters and a lack of direction plunges this into forgettable territory. QUENTIN Do you remember the USA network’s “Characters Welcome” era? With shows like White Collar and Burn Notice being so weirdly glossy and brightly lit that they looked cheap and fake? FUBAR is like Netflix made a True Lies -ripoff in that style, and somehow lucked in to getting Arnold Schwarzenegger to star in it. All that is to say FUBAR is not very good. Even the Arnold-loving kid in me from the 80s lost interest about midway through. It’s not particularly funny, the action isn’t all that great, and there is a lot of make-sure-the-old-people-understand exposition. Hopefully, this…and, for the love of God, Fortune Feimster…won’t be back.

TULSA KING: SEASON TWO Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Garrett Hedlund, Martin Starr, Jay Will, Max Casella, Vincent Piazza, Dana Delany, Tatiana Zappardino, Annabella Sciorra, Domenick Lombardozzi, Neal McDonough, Frank Grillo, and Andrea Savage Creator: Taylor Sheridan QUENTIN I’m not going to sit here and tell you that Tulsa King ‘s second season is compelling, high-end, prestige drama. It most certainly is not. However, when you have the always charismatic Sylvester Stallone surrounded by terrific (and personal favorite) character actors like Frank Grillo, Neal McDonough, Martin Starr, and Domenick Lombardozzi (among others), you can forgive almost all the story’s shortcomings, including its predictability and cheesiness. The fact of the matter is that this is just a fun show, flaws be damned — a sort of Diet Coke version of The Sopranos that I will eagerly tune in to week after week, season after season.

Previous Next It's New Years Eve and time to party, so the Bitesize crew has put their brains together to compile Bitesize Breakdown's consensus Top Five Party Movies. Each writer ranks his or her top 15 films in the category. Those lists are then weighted on a reverse point system. After all the points are tallied up, the entries with the most total points make up the Bitesize Top Five. 5. DAZED AND CONFUSED Alright, alright, alright… not only is Dazed and Confused one of the best coming-of-age films of all time, it’s also the ultimate party flick! Director Richard Linklater transports us back to the last day of school in 1976, where a colorful cast of characters (portrayed by a star-studded cast) engage in high school shenanigans on their way to the raging party at The Moon Tower. If you’re looking for a movie with a top notch soundtrack to jam while throwing back some brewskis and smoking a doobie with your friends, this is a must watch. - Paige 4. OLD SCHOOL Growing up, Animal House was your parents' college party film. Well, for my generation, it was Old School . To this day, if Will Ferrell goes to any college, he'll hear chants of "Frank. The. Tank! Frank. The. Tank!" The film was the launch pad for Will Ferrell's film career, and resurrected Vince Vaughn as a comedic leading man. Meanwhile, Luke Wilson plays the perfect straight man to Vaughn's and Ferrell's comedic skills. What makes the film so strong, though, is all the supporting characters who add to the zany humor…."BLUE, YOU'RE MY BOY! - JTE 3. AMERICAN PIE As a freshly minted high school graduate in 1999, American Pie was perhaps the first movie to really capture what it was like for my generation in high school. The music, the language, the sexual pressure, and, most importantly, the friendships. Like most movies of its kind, parts of it are…let’s say, problematic…nowadays, but there is still a surprising amount of heart underneath all the raunch. Plus, let’s not forget that it had three hit sequels, spawned a five-movie spinoff series, jumpstarted multiple careers, inspired generational comedy classics like Road Trip and Van Wilder , and popularized the term MILF. - Quentin 2. THE HANGOVER Released in 2009, The Hangover helped usher in a new wave of the raunchy, adult-themed comedy that dominated 10-15 years ago. With a genius premise of reconstructing the events of a drug- and alcohol-fueled night (we’ve all been there), the movie peels back a number of absurd layers that ultimately reveals the bond between four friends. This is a movie that cemented Bradley Cooper as a leading man, broke out Zack Galifianakis, and reintroduced the world to Mike Tyson. It remains a touchstone of comedy from a bygone era. - Darryl 1. SUPERBAD Superbad , plain and simple, is one of the best comedies ever made, so it’s no wonder that it is also one of the best party movies ever made. Even with some of the raunchier and more absurd moments, it’s still an extraordinarily relatable high school coming-of-age story, one with tons of laughter and a surprising emotional core that always takes me back to senior year in a touching way. Chika, chika, yeah, yeah. - Adriano HONORABLE MENTIONS THE WOLF OF WALL STREET BOOKSMART CAN'T HARDLY WAIT THIS IS THE END NEIGHBORS Photo Credits: Photo 1 - Gramercy Pictures; Photo 2 - DreamWorks Pictures, Photo 3 - Universal Pictures; Photo 4 - Warner Bros; Photo 5 - Sony Pictures Releasing

Previous Next February 19, 2025 WRITTEN BY: AMARÚ It may be Black History Month, but for those who really know, every month is Black History Month; even though I have watched every kind of movie there is over the course of my 36 years of movie-loving life — no matter the demographic, culture, or target audience — that same reverence isn’t always reciprocated back by non-minorities. Black cinema (and Asian and Latino cinema, for that matter) is essential to the zeitgeist of movie history, but I’ve stopped counting the times I’ve had discussions about the best [insert genre here] films and had to teach somebody about all-time hood classics: “You haven’t heard of I’m Gonna Git You Sucka ?!” Or, “what do you mean you love romance movies but have never seen Love Jones ?!” Frankly, I’m never surprised by this, particularly since I entered movie criticism circles seven years ago, because it’s pretty common that I’m one of the few people in the room who looks like me. While there are a few non-melanated folk who are in the know (you know who you are and I see you), from online movie trivia to my own very wonderful and welcoming critics association, I very often have to fight between my conflicting urges to either blatantly put Black films in the faces of my fellow movie-lovers, or go full-blown KevOnStage and yell “IT’S FOR BLACK PEOPLE, ANYWAY!!!” But if you know better, you do better. So, I have taken the opportunity to help the Bitesize Breakdown crew rectify some film gaps that they undoubtedly have. For this personalized guide through classic Black cinema, I have curated a line-up of essential hood classics that my fellow Bitesizers have not seen, each based on what I think are films they would enjoy. Then, they wrote a review on those first-time watches. I was not immune from this lesson, as I also watched and reviewed a film that I have never publicly admitted to not seeing for fear of having my Black Card revoked. Feel free to take this journey with us if you haven’t seen these movies, and if you’re like me, make a playlist for your fellow uninitiated. Most importantly, if nothing else, for the love of film, go watch Black movies. ADRIANO For our resident awards aficionado, I needed to find a movie filled with vibes. That is what always seems to get Mr. Caporusso out of bed in the morning: lowkey pretentious, high-key aura, and monumental performances. There was one movie that stood out in my mind that covers all those prerequisites. For Adriano, I chose…… EVE’S BAYOU (1997) I was fairly shocked to realize that not only was Eve’s Bayou directed by Kasi Lemmons, but it was her debut film. Despite the (mostly) grounded storytelling, the movie is presented in an oddly mystical way. Even though it’s a domestic family drama, there's something about the gothic undertones that drive the film (both narratively and thematically) that feel otherworldly. Memory plays a heavy role in the film, and the exploration of how hazy it can be only adds to the effect, not to mention the excellent ensemble. I genuinely can't stress enough just how well-made the movie is. The Louisiana setting makes way for some beautiful cinematography, especially with the way the lakes and nature are filmed, but I also couldn't help but notice how well-lit the interior scenes were. Plus, the sound work gives the film a very lived-in feel, and while the score might be a little soap opera-y on its own, it works with the tone of the film. With every genre sensibility that Lemmons presents here, Eve’s Bayou never comes up short emotionally. Obviously, history plays an integral role in the story, but the family drama gives it even more authenticity. These lives feel very real, and through the relationship between the father and daughter (Samuel L. Jackson and an 11-year-old Jurnee Smollett), we get a very profound look at the way we process our familial baggage. KATIE There is nothing about Katie that doesn’t yell “sweetheart.” Kindness, intelligence, and care just oozes out of every word she types, so I looked for a coming-of-age film that brings a combination of joy and thoughtfulness. Plus, she is something of an academic (or at least she writes like one), and I needed a film she could relate to as a student. For Katie, I had to go with… DOPE (2015) As a fan of coming-of-age narratives and American indie cinema, I was very excited to watch Ru’s recommendation Dope , especially after having recently loved Shameik Moore’s hilarious role in The Gutter. I can see why Ru thought I’d enjoy this movie because it's brimming with unconventional coming-of-age themes and irreverent indie humour while taking a unique storytelling approach to the serious issue of bias in academic processes. Dope both defies and satirically indulges stereotypes. As I was watching, I realised that I could not recall another instance of black nerds on screen, much less a film that focuses entirely on their experiences and nuanced identity. So, although Dope is thoroughly entertaining, it also made me think about the lacking representation of these character types elsewhere. At times, the film veers from offbeat high-school comedy to sudden violence, but the tonal shifts reflect the uncertainty and unpredictability of the L.A. neighbourhood. The cast has great chemistry and no issues handling the diverse emotional demands of the story, and their close friendship feels convincingly authentic. Plus, it's absolutely stacked. Since I went into the film blind, I was pleasantly surprised every time I saw a younger-looking familiar face. The energetic editing and creative cinematography keep the pace brisk, yet it also knows when to tone it down for maximum emotional impact. What’s more, the incredible soundtrack is an education in itself, featuring original songs that are genuinely catchy! NICK Honestly, Nick was, by far, the hardest person to choose for. He always just seems to be around, meaning unless we’re talking about Back to the Future, he’s down for just about any kind of movie with no extreme emotions about any particular genre. Do I go action? Horror? Sports? A great drama? For Nick, Mr. Middle-of-the-Road, I went with a movie that is underrated even in the Black community but still is hella solid. That film is… HIGHER LEARNING (1995) Considering his reasoning (although I push back on being middle-of-the-road), I completely understand why Amarú picked Higher Learning for me as it’s a mix of all genres. There is comedy, drama, thrills, and some entertaining moments, to be sure. Unfortunately, there’s a little too much of everything without director John Singleton giving things enough of a chance to settle and have the weight they should. He is even quoted as saying, “I was 25 years old making [ Higher Learning ]. I'm, like, chock full of everything that would concern young people: lesbianism, and racism, and everything I could put in that movie.” It shows, John. The other thing that unfortunately works against the film is that it feels incredibly dated. Not so much in the content (sadly, that’s still all too prevalent these days), but the quality. You get some solid performances from the likes of Laurence Fishburne, Ice Cube, and Omar Epps, but the remainder of the cast is forgettable. As I said, there are entertaining (and harrowing) moments, but they don’t amount to a film that does anything better than its contemporaries. Amarú claims that this film is underrated in the Black community, but I’d argue it’s rated just as it should be: middle of the pack. PAIGE If there is a movie that allows a woman to take the sweetest revenge, Paige is there for it. She is known for being a horror queen, but she is always all in on women empowerment. No matter the genre, if somebody (especially a man) is getting their comeuppance from a spurned woman, Paige will be rooting her on from the front row. For Paige, I had to give her the ultimate woman’s anthem on film… WAITING TO EXHALE (1995) I’d be lying if I said Waiting to Exhale isn’t an overlong and overstuffed story that feels dated in some respects; however, despite these drawbacks, it’s full of passion, heart, and humor. While the movie tackles the difficulties of dating and relationships, at its core, it exemplifies the strength of friendship between our lead characters, portrayed by Whitney Houston, Angela Bassett, Lela Rochon, and Loretta Devine. This quartet feels like a genuine friend group that would have each other's backs, no matter what. Director Forest Whitaker’s (yes, the Forest Whitaker) film may fall prey to shallow romantic clichés, but at least he made sure to flesh out the central friendship to feel as authentic as possible. These women can overcome anything, as long as they have each other by their side. That’s true girl power, right there. Hoes over bros! QUENTIN At this point, you’re probably expecting me to call Q an old man. While that’s always something of an exaggeration, the truth of Q is that he is a grown-ass man. He is interested in nothing but being grown at all times, and there’s one film that screams being grown. Grown jokes, grown characters, grown plot line, grown love interests. For Q, I had to pick the grown man’s movie… A LOW DOWN DIRTY SHAME (1994) As a dude who grew up loving Keenen Ivory Wayans’ I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and In Living Color (and later, Scary Movie and White Chicks ), not to mention old-school actioners featuring wisecracking badasses like The Last Boy Scout ( starring Keenen's brother, Damon, incidentally), it’s easy to see why Ru chose A Low Down Dirty Shame for me. Had I seen it when it first dropped in 1994, I have no doubt it would be a nostalgic favorite that I’d still be quoting regularly. But nostalgia is a funny thing. There are so many movies I love for their 90s-ness, but when you don’t first experience that 90s-ness in the actual 90s, it can make for a cringey watch — and watching Low Down for the first time 30 years after its release is rough. Wayans does a decent enough job both as director and star (though, unsurprisingly, he’s better at the comedic bits than the action ones), but everything is undermined by how dated and cheesy it all is without the nostalgic lens of familiarity. On that same note, in 1994, Jada Pinkett probably stole the show because she is legitimately great as the sassy Peaches. But in 2025? Fair or not, I have a real hard time wanting to even watch her on screen given what she has become. Overall, Low Down probably always felt like Wayans grasping for mainstream Eddie Murphy status, and time certainly hasn’t done it any favors for fresh eyes. AMARÚ Ok, don’t crucify me, but when certain cultural staples came out, I was too young to want to watch. Yes, I watched adult movies at a young age, but there were certain vibes that I just didn’t gravitate to. To this day, I’m still not the biggest Scorsese-like gangster film fan. This one isn’t a gangster film, but I’ll finally admit that, until 2025, I had not seen… MALCOLM X (1992) I haven’t decided whether Spike Lee’s greatest cinematic achievement is Do the Right Thing or this three-hour, intimate look into one of the most important and complicated figures in American history. What I do know is that the Academy needs to figure out a way to stop handing legacy wins to people who don’t deserve them that year (sorry, not sorry, Al Pacino). Malcolm X — and Denzel Washington’s performance — takes three tonally different movies and immaculately tells them as one magnificently earnest film. It perfectly exemplifies the last century of this country through the Civil Rights leader’s rich story. Every line, shot, and performance is perfectly placed to magnify the reality of the American experience: racism, poverty, the hustle of the American dream, religion, fame, betrayal, redemption, family, and tragedy. This film is multi-faceted, surprisingly funny, unbelievably harrowing, and outright truthful. I’m glad I finally sat down to learn something that day.

THE DYNASTY: NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS Starring: Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and Robert Kraft Creators: Matthew Hamachek and Jeff Benedict QUENTIN Objectively speaking, The Dynasty isn’t as good as The Last Dance , mostly because there is a refusal from certain people to open up (Bill Belichick, especially). However, as a Patriots fan, I was fully engaged. Even if I didn’t truly learn anything new, this behind-the-scenes look at 20 years of unprecedented sporting excellence was a worthwhile trip down memory lane. If nothing else, it drove me to think about where I was when X happened…the shock and joy of that first Super Bowl win, the devastating helmet catch, the thrilling 28-3 Super Bowl comeback victory…which, for fans, getting to relive those moments is more than enough PRESTON As a die-hard (read: bitter) Atlanta Falcons fan, The Dynasty was not an easy watch. It may have shifted my view of Tom Brady a bit more positively, but it required a full 10 episodes to get there. The New England Patriots’ involvement in so many of the NFL's historic events over the last 25 years is simply astounding, and the series captures it all in an unbiased manner (mostly), with Bill Belichick serving as the probably deserved scapegoat for a mired past. Even if that has made myself and others antagonistic towards their accomplishments, this is a great watch for all football fans.

WYATT EARP AND THE COWBOY WAR Starring: Ed Harris, Tim Fellingham, Jack Gordon, Ariel Eliaz, Shane Penhale, Edward Franklin, Alex Price, Peter O’Meara, and Christina Leonardi Creator: Patrick Reams QUENTIN If, like me, your only knowledge of Wyatt Earp, The Cowboy War, and The Vendetta Ride stems from 1993’s Tombstone , there is a lot you don’t know and what you think you know is probably incorrect. Netflix’s new docuseries Wyatt Earp and the Cowboy War does a terrific job of filling in the gaps through a mix of surprisingly well-acted reenactments, just enough historian soundbites to make it scholarly, and Ed Harris delivering some of the most engaging narration I’ve heard in quite some time. Plus, at six short episodes, it never overstays its welcome. Overall, a pleasant and educational surprise.

EUPHORIA: SEASON THREE Starring: Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney, Alexa Demie, Jacob Elordi, Hunter Schafer, Maude Apatow, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Martha Kelly, Colman Domingo, Darrell Britt-Gibson, Chloe Cherry, Toby Wallace, Kadeem Hardison, Marshawn Lynch, and Sharon Stone Creator: Sam Levinson PAIGE The final season of Euphoria feels and looks tonally different from the previous two, but its western-inspired aesthetic gives this season a provocative, larger-than-life feel. Creator Sam Levinson attempts to channel his inner Quentin Tarantino, and while he pulls it off visually, narratively, the story is disjointed, one-dimensional, and lacks the depth that made the previous seasons so compelling. These episodes remained daring and ambitious with its focus on actions having consequences, but it lost sight of what made the series so special in the first place and just became bleak. Call me crazy, but in the end, I'm sad this trainwreck is officially over. KATIE The final season of Euphoria is not only a confused mess that’s utterly disconnected from its predecessors, but the most conservative piece of media I have seen in a long time. It uses the framework of a Western, but seemingly does so to justify its regressive approach and pervasive conservative reality. It’s poorly concealed attitudes towards sex work and women are distracting, and the female characters that contributed to the show's success are sidelined. The performances are technically fantastic, but the utterly nonsensical material they have to work with lets them down time and again. Unfortunately, it’s nowhere near as epic as it wants you to believe it is. BODE With countless delays, untimely deaths, and the very existence of The Idol , I think everyone had reason to suspect that Euphoria ’s third and final season would be a total disaster. It’s miraculous that it isn’t, though that doesn’t mean it’s fully making good on the promise displayed back in 2019. Similar in ways to its second season, it can work in isolated moments, thanks to great performances and fantastic visuals. But its scattershot structure - narratively and tonally - prevents it from working as a whole, right down to its baffling finale. If there’s truly nothing more for Sam Levinson to say with these characters, it’s for the best. ADRIANO In its final season, Euphoria burns whatever goodwill it had left. In ditching the high school setting for a crime thriller, creator Sam Levinson also ditches the character work he established, and instead opts for a humiliation ritual for the now A-list actors (who clearly just want to get this show over with). Most of the season has fragments of story beats, but it’s mostly characters enduring cycles of torture. And unlike the disjointed mess of Season Two, it’s not even kinetic or visually engaging enough to hold my attention. So to that I say, good riddance, Euphoria . Check out our reviews for Season Two HERE .

VELMA: SEASON ONE Starring: Mindy Kaling, Glenn Howerton, Sam Richardson, Constance Wu, Wanda Sykes, Jane Lynch, Russell Peters, and Melissa Fumero Creator: Charlie Grandy ADRIANO Velma just made me say “why” the entire time. The creators stripped away everything that made Scooby-Doo the best and replaced it with a mean-spirited tone, bad animation, and non-joke jokes that even some decent voice work can’t save. There is a way to do IP with a fresh interpretation, but this show feels like the writers were just trying to be edgy instead of making people laugh or tell a story. It’s like watching the Mystery Machine crash in slow motion, and I couldn’t look away as I saw the charm of Scooby-Doo get demolished. Jinkies, indeed. AMARÚ Velma is… a lot, and not in a good way. It’s a train wreck you either can’t stop watching, or you jump off of before it picks up too much steam. There’s no in-between. The story feels like another show was slapped with the Scooby-Doo IP just to get more eyes on it. The R-rated content tries to create a pathway to honestly talk about adult themes, but it ultimately comes off as preachy, cringy, or corny. The fairly stacked voice cast is wasted on dialogue that wants to be edgy but falls way short of surface level. I’m really glad Scoob is nowhere near this property. PAIGE Jinkies, this show is cringy. Velma strips away the Mystery Inc. characters’ identities that we grew up with and makes you not like them at all. I feel like this season had no clear focus on what it wanted to do besides shit all over these characters. It’s tedious AF, and a big ol’ slap in the face to the Scooby-Doo IP. Honestly, what makes this show fall short is the annoying meta approach it takes with its humor. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all here for being meta, but it’s gotta stick the landing; Velma doesn’t in the slightest.

DAVE: SEASON THREE Starring: Dave Burd, Gata, Andrew Santino, Travis Bennett, and Christine Ko Creators: Dave Burd and Jeff Schaffer QUENTIN In its third season, Dave …essentially a white, Jewish Atlanta …finds its stride as an examination of fame, ambition, relationships, and self-worth. Honestly, it’s remarkable how far Lil Dicky has come from irreverent music videos on YouTube to creating a show with this much depth and nuance. Each character is so well developed and laid bare that you genuinely want them to succeed even as they trip over their own eccentricities and flaws. Add in rap bangers from the underrated lyricist and A-List guest stars (including an auto-tuned rapping Brad Pitt, who will certainly get an Emmy nod), and you’ve got the best show you’re probably not watching. ADRIANO Dave remains one of the most underrated shows on TV as Dave Burd, aka Lil Dicky, continues to examine fame and self-worth in an irreverent and raunchy way, this time in his pursuit of love. If the show’s gross-out sensibilities didn’t work for you in the past, I don’t see how they would work for you this time around either, but there’s something so profound about this show that made this season’s approach to modern relationships relatable and heartwarming. I strongly urge everyone to give this show a shot because this season is well worth the time investment.

Previous Next October 10, 2025 WRITTEN BY: QUENTIN … And another film festival is in the books! After having covered Cannes, Toronto, Venice, Berlin, and a handful of smaller film festivals in my short career (fingers crossed for Sundance next year), it was time to officially turn my attention to Zurich. Sure, I had attended twice before, but never with the pleasure and benefit of a press badge. Thankfully, it did not disappoint. Zurich was already the frontrunner for my personal favorite, if not the best overall film festival; this year surely cemented it. Why, you ask? First of all, the movies! After perusing the lineups of this year’s major festivals, there were only a few major players from the festival circuit that didn’t make it to Zurich this year. Among them were Chloé Zhao’s Hamnet , Joachim Trier’s Sentimental Value , Bradley Cooper’s Is This Thing On? , Rian Johnson’s Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery , and the Bruce Springsteen biopic Deliver Me from Nowhere . Frankly, I’m not all that interested in the first two despite the acclaim they are receiving, and the other three will be released soon enough. No harm, no foul, as far as I am concerned because Zurich more than delivered with what they brought to the table. In fact, top to bottom, this probably was the best film slate I’ve experienced at a film festival so far. But more on that in a few… Second to the movies is the access. Zurich may not feature as many world premieres and red carpets as the other festivals, but they provide the easiest press access I’ve had the privilege of enjoying. I was hobnobbing with all sorts of stars: Russell Crowe, Colin Farrell, Dakota Johnson, James McAvoy, Amanda Seyfried, Benedict Cumberbatch, and many more (check out some photos on our X feed ). On top of that, there were afterparties, ZFF Masters, Das Festivalzentrum, and much more. I even got to pose for the Glambot! Also, I must give a shoutout to the helpful staff and volunteer crew, all of whom proved to be very cheerful and delightful, even as they battled some seeming disorganization that worked out both in my favor and not. Again, easily my favorite festival, and it’s not even particularly close. …but back to the movies! Although I missed a few titles for a variety of reasons, including Park Chan-wook’s No Other Choice (scheduling conflict) and Cannes’ most awarded film The Secret Agent (no English subtitles), I scheduled myself one hell of a lineup. I ultimately saw 35 movies, and none of them were FOMO picks — meaning I didn’t see them just to see them because I was there (a real affliction I “suffered” through at Cannes). Were all 35 movies good? Should you spend your hard-earned money to seek them out? I’m so glad you asked… 35. THE SOUFFLEUR Regardless of quality, at only 74 minutes, The Souffleur is barely a feature film. It just so happens that, feature film or not, it’s also terrible. Willem Dafoe is one of the rare actors that could make reading the phone book compelling, and to his credit, he does what he can whenever he is on screen. However, nothing he does is in service of anything resembling a coherent story. There are obvious setups that are never called back to, and random shots of nothingness that feel like filler. In fact, so much of this movie feels like padding to reach a designated runtime that its existence confuses me. 34. HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE My favorite subject when it comes to nature documentaries is the deep sea because it’s such an alien and unique ecosystem. So, How Deep is Your Love , a documentary about wildlife on the ocean floor, really piqued my interest, especially since it’d be on the big screen. Sadly, this is more like a stuffy college lecture than the engagingly beautiful documentaries like Planet Earth . The narration is extremely bland and lacking in personality (as are the featured researchers), while much of the nature footage is relegated to sea creatures simply drifting into view of a stationary camera. It’s just not very dynamic, making it a snoozer. 33. I LOVE YOU, I LEAVE YOU Documentaries are tough to review. More than any other genre, one needs to have an inherent interest in the subject. It’s like a museum — if you don’t care about spatulas, a spatula museum would be a bore. I Love You, I Leave You is not unlike a spatula museum. I only watched it because it won Zurich’s Best Documentary and Audience Award. However, I don’t know anything about Swiss musician Dino Brandão, and while his battle with bipolar disorder and how it affects those around him is quietly thought provoking, that lack of familiarity and the extremely no-frills presentation means I was never fully interested. 32. WHISPERS IN THE WOODS There isn’t much to Whispers in the Woods , a French documentary about the Vosges. It’s like a nature-driven coffee table book you flip through at the doctor’s office. You love the pictures, and each one is more impressive than the next. However, you aren’t reading any of the words. You’re simply skimming through the stunning photos. This documentary has the same problem. Every time it focused on the striking wildlife imagery (with incredible sound design), I was captivated. Whenever it focused on the photographer telling his story, I checked out. I was in a perpetual state of wanting to flip to the next cool photo. 31. DESERT WARRIOR Unbeknownst to me beforehand, Desert Warrior had a myriad of production problems. It is also Saudi Arabia’s first Hollywood-style blockbuster. Given that, I suppose it’s a tiny miracle that it made it to the screen at all. But maybe it shouldn’t have because it’s not very good. The story is a slow-moving, generic, and empty mess that features barely serviceable performances, at best. On the plus side, it’s absolutely stunning to look at, so it’s a commendable advertisement for Saudi Arabia’s film industry, especially for desert epics. As such, this is a postcard in film form: gorgeous scenery that says nothing more than “wish you were here!” 30. THE WIZARD OF THE KREMLIN There is an interesting story buried somewhere in The Wizard of the Kremlin , but writer-director Olivier Assayas fails to capture it. First off, this movie is way too long, especially considering the first hour offers unnecessary backstory that is ultimately irrelevant to the plot’s central relationship between Vladimir Putin (Jude Law) and Vadim Baranov (Paul Dano). Second, presenting the story as fiction is confusing. There is a lot of truth here, but I’m not completely sure what is true and what is false, so what’s the point? Lastly, it’s a nitpick, but not even an attempt at Russian accents? Except for Law, this is an across-the-board mess. 29. THE MASTERMIND Man, how do you screw up a heist movie set in the 70s this badly? The Mastermind is a slog, delivering a man-on-the-run story that is completely devoid of tension, action, or palpable stakes. These movies only work when you’re invested in whether or not the thief (Josh O’Connor) gets caught. There is none of that here. If that weren’t bad enough, the characters are so paper thin that single-ply toilet paper would be jealous. This all amounts to a movie that offers the audience nothing but a period-perfect 70s aesthetic and an equally impressive jazz score. 28. THE TESTAMENT OF ANN LEE The Testament of Ann Lee is handsomely made, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it finds itself in the Oscar conversation, especially Amanda Seyfried. However, this just isn’t my cup of tea. I’ve never been particularly fond of movie musicals, and Testament revels in all the things I typically don’t like about them. The songs are redundant and repetitive, adding very little value, which makes the movie feel much longer than it actually is. It’s also weirdly over-narrated, adding to the redundancy. Mostly though, I find Lee (Seyfried) and Shakers’ religious doctrine to be certifiably insane, so it was hard to take any of it seriously. 27. DANDELION’S ODYSSEY If, like me, you were hoping for Dandelion’s Odyssey to be the next Flow , I need to reset your expectations. While it certainly shares some aspects, with both being nature-driven animated movies with zero dialogue, Odyssey is a weird one. It mixes real-life time-lapse photography and CGI in ways that are creative, experimental, and always visually appealing (unless you are freaked out by slugs; there are so many slugs). Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a compelling narrative to make the visuals on screen anything more than something cool to look at, resulting in more of a trippy sensory experience than a movie. Maybe hit a dispensary beforehand. 26. REBUILDING Although I didn’t particularly care for it, Rebuilding offers a naturalistic look at… well, rebuilding one’s life after a natural disaster. To be fair, other than being a tad too slow and meditative, I can’t point to any single thing I didn’t like about it, per se. Maybe these types of movies just aren’t for me, because this is very reminiscent of Nomadland , which I also didn’t care for. All that said, I relate to and admire the overall message that losing everything doesn’t mean losing everything . I just didn’t need a lethargic 95 minutes to drive that point home. 25. RETREAT Given that it unfolds entirely through sign language, I have the utmost respect for what Retreat accomplished. As you can imagine, the barrier for entry is difficult if you don’t sign, and unlike with an audible foreign language, it can be difficult to place the emotion being conveyed while reading subtitles in silence. As a result, everything comes off as a tad lacking. The fact that Retreat is based on a short story may also be a factor, particularly when it comes to plotting. Still though, an incredibly impressive and ambitious effort, even if it’s a mixed bag. 24. BALLAD OF A SMALL PLAYER Though incredibly stylish and anchored by a committed and typically terrific performance from Colin Farrell, Ballad of a Small Player is simply too messy to be anything but a passing diversion, especially if you have a curiosity about Macau. I assume director Edward Berger’s intent was to demonstrate the chaos in Lord Doyle’s (Farrell) life by making everything on screen equally chaotic, from the genre hopping to the camera work; however, in execution, that lack of focus leaves viewers on an island with an awful character for no justifiable reason. It’s a hollow experience that left me with more questions than answers. Doyle’s suits, though? chef’s kiss 23. RENTAL FAMILY Given these turbulent times, if you need a source — any source — of optimistic, heartwarming feels, Rental Family will almost certainly deliver. Granted, those feels are incredibly shallow and extremely superficial since the characters are mostly just pawns to get you to the next saccharine story beat, but good feels are good feels. Unfortunately, the narrative doesn’t have much lasting heft behind it either because Brendan Fraser is somewhat miscast, with his ever-present teddy bear persona never allowing for a full character arc. Still, you could do worse than Rental Family , even if this cynic found it to be a little too sentimental. 22. H IS FOR HAWK H is for Hawk features two plotlines. The first is about Helen (Claire Foy) coping with her father’s death. While Foy carries the requisite emotional weight, it’s thinly written and seems beside the point. The second, more central plotline shows Helen becoming addicted to falconry, which is engrossing as her relationship with the hawk takes flight. However, true story notwithstanding, the grief angle isn’t needed; it distracts from the compelling bird-training moments. Hawk would have been better had it simply been about a woman and her new hobby instead of an uplifting and tropey take on grief-induced addiction (H is for hawk, not heroin, you see). 21. HEDDA Between Tessa Thompson’s scenery-chewing performance, Nia DaCosta’s magnetic direction, and the sultry set and costume design, Hedda has a lot going for it. Thompson, in particular, is captivating in the early goings as a mysterious agent of chaos. She keeps the viewer’s interest piqued as the curiosity of who she is and what she might be up to mounts. However, once her plot is revealed, it all kind of fizzles out. The intrigue is in the not knowing, and once you’re let in on Hedda’s (Thompson) designs, the air is let out of the balloon, resulting in an unsatisfying climax. It’s all fabulous to behold, though. 20. FATHER MOTHER SISTER BROTHER Like most anthologies, the three chapters of Father Mother Sister Brother aren’t created equal. While they all boast great performances, the intrigue conjured is inconsistent given how they are placed in the film’s structure. For example, the second chapter is so much like the first that it’s repetitive. Variety between those two chapters would have worked wonders. There also are recurring references throughout the film that are there for no other reason than to create a Leo-pointing-meme moment. However, once the distinctly different third chapter ends, the movie’s lovely intent is revealed, which is when you realize this is about the destination, not the journey. 19. TWINLESS At its core, Twinless is a standard bromantic comedy. Sure, writer-director (and co-lead) James Sweeney adds his own nuanced flavor and brand of melodrama, but the tropes are all the same. That’s not to say it’s bad, as it easily coasts on the heartfelt chemistry between Sweeney and Dylan O’Brien, the latter of whom gives a tremendous dual performance as the confidently charismatic Rocky and emotionally vulnerable Roman. Still, window dressing aside, from Wedding Crashers to You’ve Got Mail , you’ve seen the basic bones of this story structure before, which keeps it from becoming something special even though it’s a pretty decent movie in its own right. 18. SPLITSVILLE Splitsville is not without moments of humor, but it’s more chuckle comedy than laugh-out-loud comedy, which is odd because it’s such an absurdist farce. Each progressive plot point and escalating development is more and more unrealistic, to the point that I started rolling my eyes at the predictable situations more than chuckling at them. That doesn’t make it a bad movie, as Splitsville would be a good, lighthearted date movie given its charming performances and interesting ideas on modern relationships; however, for better or worse, it’s all a bit too silly and rooted in an unbelievable reality that will leave you thinking “people don’t behave this way.” 17. CALIFORNIA SCHEMIN’ While I fully appreciate that first-time director James McAvoy wanted to make a brisk, 90ish-minute movie (enough with the three-hour movies!), I think he might have been a little too committed to that idea. As a result, California Schemin’ is engaging but somewhat shallow; the character beats come so fast and furious that they barely resonate or feel earned. By McAvoy’s own admission, he cut a lot of stuff out, which almost certainly killed some of the dramatic weight. It’s still a good movie, especially for music fans, but it’s slighter than it probably should have been. It might have been better as a miniseries, honestly. 16. THE THING WITH FEATHERS I admit my thoughts on The Thing with Feathers may be a little biased because my mother passed away earlier this year, but this unsubtle metaphor about grief and loss worked for me despite some pretty notable flaws. To be fair, it’s easy to overlook said flaws when Benedict Cumberbatch gives such an emotional performance. That said, the film is a tonal mishmash, jumping from emotionally heavy drama to jump-scare horror to even unintentional comedy at the drop of a hat. This could easily undercut the story for some people, but for me and my personal context, I found it to be rather cathartic. 15. FATHER The winner of Zurich Film Festival’s coveted Golden Eye, Father is an intense examination of a man ruined by Forgotten Baby Syndrome. Director Tereza Nvotová uses a series of long tracking shots and documentary-style camerawork, often focusing on Michal’s (Milan Ondrik) face, to immerse the viewer in his grief, guilt, and self-loathing (probably even more so for parents). By effectively putting Michal’s headspace at the forefront, as well as Ondrik’s emotionally raw performance, she hides some minor plotting hiccups, including time jumps that can be initially confusing and an ending message I don’t fully understand. Still, I can see why Father won Zurich’s Feature Film Competition. 14. ANIMAL FARM Andy Serkis’s adaptation of George Orwell’s Animal Farm is an odd one. On one hand, many of Orwell’s original themes are relevant today, particularly in the United States, which makes a movie like this even more important right now. On the other hand, this is a movie geared towards younger audiences. Will kids pick up on any of the timely subtext? Will they even care? I just don’t know. Still, it’s an enjoyable film with great vocal performances by the star-studded cast, but it falls into the purgatory of being too childish to be strictly for adults and too thematically nuanced to be strictly for kids. 13. ROOFMAN Roofman is a charming love story featuring charming performances that surely will charm a non-discerning couple on date night. No, it’s not particularly memorable, but it’s a highly rewatchable blend of comedy, heart, and 90s nostalgia. Yet, I was left wondering why I was rooting for this dirtbag. Because he’s polite? All of Jeffrey Manchester’s (Channing Tatum) rough edges have been sanded down to create an almost algorithm-generated leading man that ladies may fawn over. That’s fine, I suppose, but it makes for an overly sugarcoated, crowd-pleasing movie seemingly afraid to explore the more complicated themes present in fear of losing general audiences (and box office revenue). 12. EPIC: ELVIS PRESLEY IN CONCERT At this point, your feelings about Elvis Presley are probably set. Nothing I say is going to convince someone who doesn’t care about Elvis to watch EPiC: Elvis Presley in Concert , just like I’m not going to deter massive Elvis fans by saying it’s terrible. With that said, coming from this Elvis fan, EPiC is a must see. The concert footage is electric, providing the on-stage excitement most of us never experienced first-hand, while the off-stage footage goes to great lengths to show Elvis as an actual person and not just the monolithic icon. Like I said, though…you already know, going in both directions. 11. CHRISTY There isn’t anything particularly ground-breaking about Christy , as it follows most of the usual sports biopic tropes, especially those centered on queer women athletes. But for someone who had no idea about Christy Martin’s (a committed Sydney Sweeney, giving a career best performance) story, I was engaged through all the standard sex, drugs, abuse, and mother-daughter friction. Granted, it helps when the performances are this good (the perpetually underrated and chameleonic Ben Foster also is great), but there is a reason these stories keep getting told. Simply put, they make for good drama. Yeah, it’s somewhat familiar, but that’s not always a bad thing. 10. TUNER There is nothing particularly special or groundbreaking about Tuner , but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth your time. The simple fact is that this is a good, old-fashioned throwback that feels like an elevated mix of 90s favorites Rounders and Grosse Pointe Blank . Given those nostalgic vibes, it’s possible that slightly older (read: millennials) viewers will appreciate it a bit more than the youths; however, between the charming leads, believable romance, jazzy score, lived-in humor, and heist-adjacent elements, it delivers a fun, if formulaic, date movie. Plus, it’s always nice to see Dustin Hoffman having a good time. 9. BUGONIA As a director, it must be tough when your adherence to being weirdly unpredictable leads to being the total opposite. While I understand it’s a remake, that is the problem director Yorgos Lanthimos faces with Bugonia . Had this black comedy been made by any other filmmaker, I likely would have enjoyed the ride a bit more. However, I knew exactly where this story was going from jump street, which hurt my experience a bit. That aside, the performances are as excellent as you’d assume, and Lanthimos’ delightfully oddball tone permeates every corner of the film. For better or worse, it’s exactly what I expected. 8. THE LAST VIKING I’m not sure why, but it seems the world takes Mads Mikkelsen’s acting talent for granted. In The Last Viking , he gives a hilarious, against-type performance (relative to everything I’ve seen him do, at least) that is sweet, silly, and lovable. He, alone, is worth the price of admission. His brilliance aside, director Anders Thomas Jensen has successfully mixed Rain Main , The Dream Team , and The Coen Bros. to create a movie that is as moving as it is violent. On paper, I’m not sure any of it should work, but it all comes together beautifully as something heartfelt, sincere, and darkly entertaining. 7. THE SMASHING MACHINE While the story stays a little too wavetop, never fully exploring the toxic relationship between Mark (Dwayne Johnson) and Dawn (Emily Blunt), Mark’s drug use and recovery, or the initial rise and controversy surrounding UFC, The Smashing Machine is a showcase for Johnson’s mostly unseen dramatic acting ability. He is magnetic, carrying the film on his unbelievably hulking frame. That’s not to discount Blunt’s performance or Benny Safdie’s direction — both are noteworthy — but I simply couldn’t look away from Johnson even as some emotional beats felt unearned. If this signals a definitive career pivot for the superstar, I can’t wait to see what’s next. 6. AFTER THE HUNT I’ve been underwhelmed by Luca Guadagnino’s films thus far, but After the Hunt , though imperfect, is easily my favorite work of his. As the battle on political correctness and performative wokeness rages on, Guadagnino captivatingly explores modern-day snowflake syndrome and the cultural divide between Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z. As a result, this is a film that may trigger you or make you feel seen, or both; the ability to effectively elicit such divisive yet accurate opinions, even within oneself, is evidence of a master filmmaker. The excellent performances he pulls from the perfectly cast ensemble is icing on the cake. 5. THE LOST BUS Whether bombastic in scale or a more grounded true story, I’m a sucker for natural disaster flicks. The Lost Bus hues closer to the latter, and the intimate storytelling and almost quiet performances from Matthew McConaughey and America Ferrera make for effective and relatable human drama. However, it’s director Paul Greengrass’ signature directorial style, the incredible sound design, and the stellar fire effects that really immerse the viewer. At times, the scenario can even overpower the characters, but at no point are you ever not invested in everyone’s survival. Tense, kinetic, and engrossing, The Lost Bus is easily among Apple’s best original films. 4. NUREMBERG Although it certainly has moments when it feels more like a history lesson than it should, the fact remains that it’s a lesson some still need to learn. Through powerhouse performances, particularly from an Oscar-worthy Russell Crowe who somehow gives Hermann Göring humanity, director James Vanderbilt delivers a compelling courtroom drama that, surprisingly, mostly lets the facts speak for themselves without sensationalizing them (not that he really needed to). It can, admittedly, get a little preachy, but like I said, this is a sermon that many people still need to hear, sadly. Nuremberg is a dark horse Oscar player. 3. FRANKENSTEIN Truth be told, I’ve long considered director Guillermo del Toro to be overrated, but my tune has changed with Frankenstein . Although long-winded and somewhat tonally disjointed, I can’t deny that this immaculately crafted and lavishly designed adaptation hooked me almost immediately through its terrific performances and grand scale. Del Toro’s gothic sensibilities are perfectly aligned with Mary Shelley’s poetic story of loss and guilt, creating everything I wanted and failed to get from Robert Eggers’ Nosferatu (a slog of a movie). I wouldn’t call it a masterpiece like some have, but the Hollywood machine is doing cinema and cinephiles a disservice by releasing Frankenstein on Netflix. 2. JAY KELLY As a person who loves movies about movies (and, by proxy, movie stars), Jay Kelly was right up my alley. George Clooney is perfectly cast, essentially playing himself (a running joke in the movie), as a superstar actor grappling with the shallow relationships and disheartening loneliness of mega fame. It deftly walks a tight rope between self-indulgent navel-gazing and brilliant meta subtext. And as good as Clooney is, it’s Adam Sandler who steals the movie as he once again proves that he is a legitimate actor. If this were to be Clooney’s final movie (it won’t be), it’d be something pored over for years to come. 1. PILLION I say this literally, respectfully, and with zero negative connotation: Pillion is one of the gayest movies I’ve ever seen. If Brokeback Mountain made you uncomfortably squirm in your seat, this ain’t for you. But if you can handle it, Pillion is a tender and beautiful coming-of-age love story that deserves way more recognition than it is likely to get. Yeah, it’s an explicit, surprisingly-not-NC-17 look at homosexual Dom/Sub relationships, but there is so much humanity, vulnerability, and compassion, particularly in Alexander Skarsgård’s Oscar-worthy performance, that it should speak to anyone who has experienced the roller coaster of first love, gay or straight.

THE CHAIR COMPANY: SEASON ONE Starring: Tim Robinson, Lake Bell, Sophia Lillis, Will Price, and Joseph Tudisco Creators: Tim Robinson and Zach Kanin ADRIANO If you don't like Tim Robinson's brand of absurdist awkward comedy, this is not for you. But for the rest of us, The Chair Company is a fan's dream come true. It's easy to see scrapped sketch ideas in many of the show's plot points, but beyond being a side-splitter, what really makes the show special is the strange but enthralling conspiracy thriller that turns corners into a finale that I couldn't possibly have seen coming. Robinson has turned his brand of pushing social insecurities to the extreme, and I can only anticipate what Season Two will do next.

MONSIEUR SPADE: SEASON ONE Starring: Clive Owen, Cara Bossom, Denis Ménochet, Louise Bourgoin, Chiara Mastroianni, Stanley Weber, Matthew Beard, Jonathan Zaccaï, Rebecca Root, and Dean Winters Creators: Scott Frank and Tom Fontana QUENTIN On a technical level, Monsieur Spade is a very well-acted and handsome show, and as a fan of The Maltese Falcon , the noir classic starring Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade, I really wanted to like this series. However, despite a fantastic turn from Clive Owen as Spade and a hard-boiled detective approach that feels tangible, it’s undone by its glacial pacing and general lack of energy. Even at just six episodes, the struggle to, frankly, give a shit about what’s happening is real. Still, I’d be willing to give Owen another chance as Spade, perhaps in a 90-minute film instead of a six-hour series, though.