SPINNING GOLD Starring: Jeremy Jordan, Michelle Monaghan, Peyton List, Lyndsy Fonseca, Caylee Cowan, James Wolk, Dan Fogler, Jason Isaacs, Jay Pharoah, and Chris Redd Director: Timothy Scott Bogart QUENTIN If not for the soundtrack, Spinning Gold would have absolutely nothing going for it. It’s terribly directed, dreadfully acted, poorly written, and feels cheaply made. There are awful costumes and even worse green screen scenes. For reference, the lead actor’s last three movies were Hallmark Originals, and the writer-director, who happens to be the son of the main character, hasn’t written or directed a movie since a 2005, straight-to-streaming rom-com that is so obscure it doesn’t have a Wikipedia page or a Rotten Tomatoes score. This is the level of talent involved, and it makes for a painful watch; extra half reel for the music, though. JACOB The first rule of filmmaking is “show, don’t tell,” but if someone’s first movie experience was the dreadful Spinning Gold , they’d learn the opposite lesson. Without a doubt, this is easily one of the worst music biopics I’ve ever had the displeasure of viewing. Even after the second half finally debuts two actually coherent scenes, it can’t stop being so far up its own ass about how important it all is…and it never. stops. telling . you that. Nearly every role is irreversibly miscast, the dialogue is cringe levels of high school stage theater, and not one performance (or wig job) succeeds.

SICK Starring: Gideon Adlon, Bethlehem Milton, and Dylan Sprayberry Director: John Hyams QUENTIN As slashers go, Sick works well enough to satisfy the genre itch. It doesn’t do anything groundbreaking – I mean, what slashers do, anymore? – but it serves its purpose. Given that it shares the same writer as Scream , the similarities between the two practically smack you in the face. It manages to lightly subvert a few expectations, but not to the degree of the 1996 classic. The COVID aspect is a bit too obvious and already feels a little dated, but it’s fine, whatever. Either way, if you’re in the market for an old-fashioned slasher that doesn’t require much effort, Sick has you covered. NICK I hope we’re coming to the end of COVID films, but Sick at least tries to incorporate it into the story in a unique way. In fact, it’s the only thing that really makes the film stand out. Beyond that, it’s your average home invasion horror, featuring some fun kills and story beats that are homages to several films that came before it. The cast is serviceable if unspectacular, and the script, as written by Scream scribe Kevin Williamson, does what it needs to do. It’s a solid shut-your-brain-off-and-have-fun film, and there is nothing wrong with that. PAIGE Sick is sharp like a butcher’s knife, and with only an 80-minute runtime, it’s a fast-paced thriller that delivers in the kills department. Writer Kevin Williamson is sick in all the right ways for crafting up another cat-and-mouse slasher (this time with a deadly pandemic twist) that is perfect for all you sickos out there craving a good, old-fashioned killfest. Admittedly, the third act kinda takes an interesting approach, one that doesn’t have enough gravitas to stick the landing, but it does have some of the most exhilarating chase sequences I’ve seen in a while. This film was reviewed by Nick and Quentin as part of Bitesize Breakdown's coverage of the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival.

NIGHT PATROL Starring: RJ Cyler, Justin Long, Jermaine Fowler, Phil Brooks, Dermot Mulroney, Nicki Micheaux, Freddie Gibbs, YG, and Flying Lotus Director: Ryan Prows AMARÚ Night Patrol would’ve been thrilling if it wasn’t so silly, and it would’ve been fun if it wasn’t so serious. RJ Cyler, yet again, proves that he’s one of today’s most underrated actors, Justin Long and Jermaine Fowler are dedicated in dramatic against-type roles, and even Phil Brooks (aka CM Punk) is cast well. However, a ridiculous script, unserious dialogue, and outlandish stereotypes made the plot reveals almost imperceptible amongst the laughably bad throwaway lines. The creators thought they were being provocative, but spectacularly and offensively failed. They should’ve followed Freddie Gibbs’, YG's, and Flying Lotus’s lead, all of whom knew the campy film they were really in. ROBERT I will say this for Night Patrol : it is a movie that is hard to peg down since it has elements of End of Watch mixed with The Devil’s Advocate and low-rent Sinners . Those aren’t bad films to emulate, but when you throw the whole refrigerator of leftovers in the stew, it might not gel into something digestible. That is this movie. It is too goofy to make sense of its messaging, and too derivative of recent horror efforts to either pay real homage or pull off a suitable copy. My bewilderment over trying to understand Night Patrol almost left me exsanguinated.

THE RITUAL Starring: Al Pacino, Dan Stevens, Abigail Cowen, Ashley Greene, Patricia Heaton, and Patrick Fabian Director: David Midell KATIE The Ritual is, by and large, a typical exorcism film, full of tropes and familiar beats. The first half is actually quite strong, with jump scares and scary visuals that are effective. However, it then falls flat, and the repetitive plot begins to feel monotonous. I also don’t think the handheld camera style added to the story; if anything, it's sometimes distracting and feels cheap. Whenever it does work, it's because of the performances. I came for Pacino (Father Riesinger) and Dan Stevens (Father Steiger), but stayed for Abigail Cowen (Emma Schmidt) and Ashley Greene (Sister Rose). NICK Dan Stevens is one of those actors who always seems to be doing something interesting regardless of the project he’s in. Unfortunately, when it comes to The Ritual , there is nothing interesting here. From the retreaded story beats, to the bland writing and performances, to some of the worst cinematography I’ve seen in a theatrical release in some time, there’s nothing to salvage. I think director David Midell was aiming for something hyper-realistic, but what he wound up with was one of the dullest depictions of possession I’ve seen on screen. A truly painful 98 minutes to get through.

THE LAST DUEL Starring: Matt Damon, Adam Driver, Jodie Comer, and Ben Affleck Director: Ridley Scott JACOB There's not much in The Last Duel that sets it apart from other narratives like it, but enough of it works that it remains worth one's time. The Rashomon -style perspective shifts may allow the audience to see each side of the story, but it also means the film takes too much time away from moving the plot forward in order to recap things we already saw, making it feel sometimes painfully long. That said, the performances mostly work well (especially Jodie Comer), and the titular fight is a brutal battle that effectively demonstrates Ridley Scott still has immense directorial skill. ADRIANO I expected to hate The Last Duel , but it ended up being far better than expected. The way the story unfolds through a multi-chapter setup works much better than I thought it would. Granted, the first chapter is incredibly boring and atrociously edited, but the second and especially third chapters are extremely engaging. The film's subject matter is effortlessly dealt with in a way that connects it to modern times. The cast is great, but it's Jodie Comer who is absolutely superb in the last chapter, which features the impressive feat of the titular duel. Definitely check this one out. QUENTIN Given the number of medieval epics Ridley Scott has directed, you’d think he’d be better at it. Unfortunately, aside from the actual duel, The Last Duel is a lengthy bore. It’s over two hours of “he said, he said, she said” (told as three separate chapters) before the exciting 15-minute showdown. And since those chapters are mostly recounting the same events from different perspectives, it makes much of the film feel like a retread of scenes you’ve already seen. That ending duel is violent and visceral, though. The movie needed more of that and less talk of 12th century litigation.

ANEMONE Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Sean Bean, and Samantha Morton Director: Ronan Day-Lewis ADRIANO It's nice to see Daniel Day-Lewis chewing up every single scene he's in for the first time since his supposed retirement, but he's pretty much the only thing holding Anemone together. In his directorial debut, Ronan Day-Lewis is trying too hard to show he's not just the son of a legend. In the process, as nice as it looks, he makes a movie that is stylistically all over the place (the mismatched score doesn't help), and an approach to generational trauma that's buried under vague symbolism and an unaware thesis. But hey, welcome back, Daniel, I suppose. NICK If you're wondering whether Daniel Day-Lewis has missed a step in his time away, he has not. His performance is the driving force of Anemone and the reason people shouldl watch it... Perhaps the only reason. Although there's something there with son Ronan's direction, it relies too heavily on its art styling and heavy-handed metaphors and symbolism. This creates an uneven film that would actually be quite boring without Daniel's magnetism. In the end, Ronan's current talent level doesn’t justify this film’s platform. Daniel’s return aside, this is a film with two memorable monologues (destined to be used in film schools) and not much else.

PIECE BY PIECE Starring: Pharrell Williams, Jay-Z, Missy Elliott, Timbaland, Gwen Stefani, Justin Timberlake, Busta Rhymes, Snoop Dogg, N.O.R.E., Pusha T, Daft Punk, and Kendrick Lamar Director: Morgan Neville NICK I love big swings, and the idea of doing an entire documentary in LEGO form is a BIG swing. Unfortunately, Piece by Piece never does anything to justify the gimmick. Much like the music in the film, the LEGO aspect feels like it's only there to distract from the fact that this is a VERY surface-level biopic. Anything serious or contentious is barely mentioned in passing, so it all comes across as a little shallow. I’m sure Pharrell Williams has an interesting story to tell; hopefully, he’s ready to tell it someday. ADRIANO Piece by Piece is baffling. The equivalent of a feature-length troll, this movie lacks any semblance of sincerity towards Pharrell's story, and it tries to disguise that with a questionable LEGO filter. Piece does nothing to change our perception of Pharrell, and it’s more interested in being a fluff piece with comically little about his family life or any humiliating conflict, not to mention a final ten minutes that just made me go, "No, they are not doing this!" If there is something more to Pharrell's story, this movie does a poor job showing that, and for a movie that preaches imagination, this had none. AMARÚ Just an FYI, this is more of a public service announcement than a review because Piece by Piece hits every part of my bias. This film is the soundtrack of my life, filled with my favorite artists. It was made for me and my people. From the first beat drop that transported me to my childhood to the chords that helped create this grown man, I got chills realizing how much one artist can shape one’s life. I would’ve been happy with a straightforward documentary, but adding LEGO’s creativity (especially how they represented a beat) kept my head nodding and my face grinning for 90-minutes straight. This film was reviewed by Nick and Adriano as part of Bitesize Breakdown's coverage of the 2024 Toronto International Film Festival.

SAW X Starring: Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Synnøve Macody Lund, Octavio Hinojosa, Paulette Hernández, Renata Vaca, Joshua Okamoto, Steven Brand, and Michael Beach Director: Kevin Greutert NICK Although I’m a fan of the Saw franchise’s earlier films (especially the debut), the focus turned away from story and towards the torture porn aspect, which wasn’t for me. Saw X tries to remedy this with a deeper focus on John Kramer, the man, which finally gives Tobin Bell a chance to flesh out the character. You still have all the trademarks of the series - gore, twists, and traps - but without the failure to remember that these films need more than that. I'm not saying it necessarily justifies a continuation of the series, but it at least shows there are signs of life. PHILL It’s hard to care about a franchise that has ended twice. The Saw saga very obviously regretted killing off John Kramer (Tobin Bell) in SAW III because, in the subsequent seven films, the writers have consistently found increasingly contrived ways to bring the character back, with Saw X lazily going for the midquel approach. There is not much new here in the tenth entry, though. It’s a Saw film; its only innovation is that it has more plot than its nine predecessors. However, it’s not very interesting, and it’s hard to sympathise with a serial killer.

DUNE: PART TWO Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya, Rebecca Ferguson, Javier Bardem, Florence Pugh, Dave Bautista, Josh Brolin, Léa Seydoux, Stellan Skarsgård, Austin Butler, Charlotte Rampling, and Christopher Walken Director: Denis Villeneuve PAIGE Dune: Part One walks so that Part Two can run! This film is an astonishing visual spectacle thanks to its exquisite set pieces, breathtaking cinematography, and powerful score by Hans Zimmer. Every line manages to have significance, and every frame has magnitude. From the captivating performances from the entire ensemble cast to Denis Villeneuve's brilliant mind as a storyteller, Part Two solidifies itself among the best sci-fi adaptations to ever grace the big screen. To quote the great Martin Scorsese, “This is cinema!” I truly hope the spice continues to flow because I’d love more stories from this world. NICK Dune: Part Two wasn’t high on my anticipated list since the first one didn’t really land with me. That said, what a fucking film. Part Two both retroactively improves Part One and ramps things up considerably, all thanks to director Denis Villeneuve. Without any hyperbole, this is one of the best directed films I’ve ever seen. Everything from the acting (the authenticity of the storytelling really takes things over the top) to the stunning visual effects fires on all cylinders. It made me anxious, it moved me, and it didn’t waste a single minute of its near three-hour runtime. Believe the hype, it’s a masterpiece. ADRIANO As someone who loves Dune: Part One while also acknowledging some of its flaws, Part Two is a superior sequel in every way. I don't need to tell you, but the technical craft of this film is breathtaking. Director Denis Villeneuve had full control, and it shows in just about every frame. But what really grabbed me is just how well written it is. While there is a decent amount of set-up, as a non-book reader, I was floored by the path the film went down and firmly white-knuckling throughout the entire final hour. Bring on Messiah ASAP. PRESTON Visually stunning, written by a sci-fi legend, and accompanied by a score that is breathtaking…so, why am I not joining the gathering masses popping off chef’s kisses to the sky? Dune: Part Two is just way too long without the needed element of adequate story progression. The dynamic between Chani (Zendaya) and Paul (Timothée Chalamet) is frustratingly inconsistent, there are odd time jumps that gloss over or straight-up skip plot points previously focused upon, and there are some weird casting choices. It’s good, but I suspect I will only revisit it once more before Part Three , which is thankfully years away. KATIE It's been a while since I could say I found a blockbuster truly breathtaking, but Denis Villeneuve’s ambitious sequel to his Oscar-winning film is a triumph, richly building upon the themes, characters, and history he previously established whilst creating an even more expansive and impressive film than the first installment. It earns every single minute of its runtime and could have afforded to be even longer. I was completely drawn into the world that Villeneuve masterfully crafted, captivated by the vast scale, incredible fight choreography, mesmerising visuals, faultless storytelling, and unforgettable performances. AMARÚ The biggest obstacle Dune: Part Two has is convincing the audience it’s more than just another white savior messiah movie. To believe it’s more than that, you have to believe in Timothée Chalamet’s sincere portrayal of Paul Atreides. To believe that , you have to believe all the performances around him. Well… I believed. Not just in the outstanding cast’s varying chess game machinations (especially Javier Bardem and Zendaya), but also director Denis Villenueve’s total dedication to giving epic importance to every aspect of the film. I believed so much so that, even though I still have lingering questions, I don’t question how damn good this movie is. CALEB Dune: Part Two is anything but your typical blockbuster. Sure, it involves plenty of jaw-dropping spectacle, but it’s also entirely unafraid to explore the original novel’s heavy thematic undertakings. Its biggest strength is its willingness to embrace the moral ambiguity of its protagonist, though. The Dune books have always underscored the dangers posed by charismatic leaders, and director Denis Villeneuve runs with that idea, delivering Paul’s (Timothée Chalamet) story as a cautionary tale about unchecked influence. With a stellar ensemble cast, a powerful score, and mesmerizing cinematography, Part Two likely will be remembered as one of the greatest sci-fi adaptations of all time. QUENTIN Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but Dune: Part Two is not the amazing masterpiece my fellow writers would have you believe. Parts of it are amazing, for sure, including the visuals, action sequences, and Austin Butler, but as a whole movie, it only reaches the level of “good.” That’s mostly because the story tries to do too much, and plot points seemingly meant to elicit an emotional reaction fall flat. Plus, I’m left with several questions of the “why didn’t [insert character] do X?” variety. It’s still worth seeing on the biggest screen possible, just remove yourself from some of the hyperbolic takes out there.

KINDA PREGNANT Starring: Amy Schumer, Will Forte, Jillian Bell, Brianne Howey, Urzila Carlson, Chris Geere, Damon Wayans Jr., Alex Moffat, and Joel David Moore Director: Tyler Spindel AMARÚ You know, I thought we were past taking all the ridiculous tropes of romantic comedies and making them R-rated fodder, but I guess Amy Schumer missed that memo. Almost everything about Kinda Pregnant is an unfunny copy of more intelligent rom-com scripts, right down to the not-trying-to-hide-it-in-any-way Rebel Wilson imitation. Will Forte, Damon Wayans Jr., and the few instances of genuine heart when discussing the realities of pregnancy are absolutely wasted in this unappealing “comedy.” There are two good laughs, though, so there’s that. ROBERT Given the contributors involved, my expectation was that Kinda Pregnant would be like another episode of Inside Amy Schumer . However, as a feature of Happy Madison Productions, it became pretty clear that it would fall more in line with an Adam Sandler romantic comedy: odd physical pratfalls; weird, overly involved background characters; and a lie that balloons to the size of a 20 pound turkey. When the film plays to its raunchiness and subversion of rom-com tropes, it's more successful, but it has a hard time letting itself be consistently different to be truly unique as a Netflix comedy. BODE It’s already questionable enough that Kinda Pregnant attempts to explore real issues surrounding motherhood (or the paradox of wanting to be a mom) through an exaggerated premise, but that could be forgiven if the humour connected, the characters felt real, and it was willingly subversive. Unfortunately, many of the jokes (save a few) fall flat, and there’s very little care regarding any kind of character development (especially the central friendship between Amy Schumer’s Lainy and Jillian Bell’s Kate). Plus, even with that premise, it’s as predictable, as low-energy, and as overly lit as streaming movies get. Feel free to skip it.

NEW LIFE Starring: Sonya Walger, Hayley Erin, Tony Amendola, Ayanna Berkshire, Nick George, Blaine Palmer, and Betty Moyer Director: John Rosman QUENTIN Knowing nothing more about New Life than it’s a “horror thriller,” the first 45 minutes of this 83-minute indie left me wondering, “how is this horror?” In the early goings, it’s a fairly standard manhunt movie with few thrills and no attempts at scares. Frankly, I was starting to mentally check out, which is when the horror elements finally kicked in. They are, admittedly, visceral and well done, but it was hard for me to re-engage after my interest had already waned. I’m somewhat curious if it would be better on the rewatch, knowing what I know now, but not curious enough to find out. KATIE After being initially intrigued by the premise, I was ultimately disappointed by New Life . It is not so much a “slow burn” as it is boring with odd pacing, and although the sudden switch to horror in the second half has good practical effects and re-engaged my attention, it is quite jarring. I didn’t find the performances convincing, nor did I understand or emotionally resonate with the point it is trying to make, which I assume is something about facing adversity or accepting the inevitable. Overall, the film had a lot of potential that it didn’t deliver on. PAIGE Although the first half of New Life plays out like a mysterious manhunt, the movie has an unexpected and surprisingly intriguing twist that switches the tone of the movie from thriller to something entirely different. Even though those modifications make the story slightly more entertaining, they don’t elevate the underwhelming narrative. I had already checked out by the time the twist occurred, and the story just never accumulated enough momentum to satisfy my interest. However, I will admit that its practical effects are pretty terrifying for an indie movie on a shoestring budget.

THE PROMISED LAND Starring: Mads Mikkelsen, Amanda Collin, Simon Bennebjerg, Melina Hagberg, Kristine Kujath Thorp, Gustav Lindh, Thomas W. Gabrielsson, Magnus Krepper, Søren Malling, and Olaf Højgaard Director: Nikolaj Arcel QUENTIN Let me tell you how good of an actor Mads Mikkelsen is: For more than two hours, this man had me fully engaged in a Danish-language, period-piece epic about a guy trying to grow potatoes on a piece of land deemed unfarmable. Granted, the sturdy screenplay, sweeping visuals, and Nikolaj Arcel’s confident direction help him along, but I’m not sure this movie succeeds with anyone other than Mikkelsen at the center of it. This is a grown-up film for grown-ups, reminiscent of Minari in some ways, and it feels tailor-made for the prestigious film festival circuit. CALEB There’s an artificiality to The Promised Land that’s hard to ignore. If this is a “man against nature” story, then where’s the rawness? Where’s the grime? Sure, the cinematography is beautiful, but this isn’t really a story that calls for that level of polish. The script isn’t awful, but I felt like I was always ten steps ahead of it. Despite great performances from Mads Mikkelsen and Simon Bennebjerg, the characters and their emotional beats were just too predictable to hold my attention. The Promised Land isn’t a bad movie, but it’s too safe to leave a lasting impression. This film was reviewed by Quentin as part of Bitesize Breakdown's coverage of the 2023 Venice International Film Festival.