SEXY BEAST: SEASON ONE Starring: James McArdle, Emun Elliott, Sarah Greene, Ralph Brown, Tamsin Greig, and Stephen Moyer Creator: Michael Caleo QUENTIN In a world where Jonathan Glazer’s film Sexy Beast doesn’t exist, Paramount+’s Sexy Beast (prequel) series might have been, at least, okay as a new crime tale. As it stands, though, that terrific film does exist, and this show cannot get out of its tremendous shadow. The story, one of British gangsters gangsterin’, is slow-moving, but might have been enough to capture interest. However, when you’re constantly thinking about how stars James McArdle, Emun Elliott, and Stephen Moyer are no Ray Winstone, Ben Kingsley (who was Oscar-nominated for his role in the movie), and Ian McShane, respectively, it really puts a damper on things.

Previous Next Franchises like Star Wars, Jurassic Park, the MCU, and countless others have been going steady for quite some time. Who started things off the best, though? That's what we aim to determine as the Bitesize crew has put their brains together to compile Bitesize Breakdown's consensus Top Five Franchise Starters. Each writer ranks their top 15 films in the category. Those lists are then weighted on a reverse point system. After all the points are tallied up, the entries with the most total points make up the Bitesize Top Five. 5. THE GODFATHER Praising The Godfather is seemingly tiring, and yet there's so much to praise. The film is consistently considered one of, if not the , greatest film ever made, and it is the quintessential American epic, supercharging the career of now legendary filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola. The iconic nature of The Godfather is seemingly universal. Whether it's the characters, the quotes, or the music, this movie has grabbed everyone in some small way, and it was so successful that it became a trilogy in the years to come (I'd argue that The Godfather Part II is even better). I remember first watching the film in high school, knowing the bar that was set and preparing to be underwhelmed by it. Lo and behold, beyond the striking filmmaking and its approach to the mafia, I was mostly shocked by just how entertaining it is. I imagine the conversation on this movie will continue to be had as long as there are movies. - Adriano 4. THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING Peter Jackson’s The Fellowship of the Ring took on the insurmountable task of introducing J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy epic, The Lord of the Rings , to cinema-going audiences. The first installment in a groundbreaking trilogy, it can stand alone, but ultimately opens the door to the greatest fantasy films ever made, renowned for being meticulously crafted and full of dedicated performances and characters who bring the screen to life. This film transformed my perspective on the fantasy genre, which I had previously struggled to enjoy and truly invest in due to the plethora of characters, dense mythology, and location names I’d never remember. But Fellowship showed that fantasy storytelling can be detailed, emotionally engaging, humorous, exciting, heartfelt, visually stunning, and immersive all at the same time. - Katie 3. JURASSIC PARK Everyone loves dinosaurs. It’s an undeniable fact, and one that has remained true for as long as the Jurassic Park franchise has been going. With as many sequels as it has spawned, though (including the arguably underrated III ), it would be difficult to argue that any of them fully live up to the majesty of Steven Spielberg’s 1993 classic. The adaptation of Michael Crichton's bestseller still inspires much awe, wonder, and fear more than 30 years later thanks to Dean Cundey’s beautifully composed photography, the masterful combination of Stan Winston’s practical animatronics and ILM’s groundbreaking visual effects, an unforgettable cast of characters led by the likes of Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, and Sir Richard Attenborough, and of course, one of the most iconic and beloved scores in John Williams’ storied career. We’ll see how new director Gareth Edwards fares with Jurassic World Rebirth (which original co-writer David Koepp wrote), but no matter what, Jurassic Park will always be lightning in a bottle. - Bode 2. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK Even in the 80s, moviegoers were not familiar with the adventure serials of the ‘30s, so finding an interesting means to modernize classic stories was George Lucas and Steven Spielberg’s purpose with Raiders of the Lost Ark . They monumentally succeeded as they conceived professor and archaeologist Indiana Jones as a period-specific hero. With Harrison Ford in the role, audiences were swept up in world-spanning escapades with a main character that could fight and teach them about biblical mythology. Like the source material, it was also ripe for further exploration, with more magical items to acquire and more Nazis to be dispatched. Some may prefer The Last Crusade , but Raiders is timeless. - Robert 1. BACK TO THE FUTURE I'm never going to turn down a chance to talk about my favourite film of all time, so I'm glad to see that it ended up #1 on this list (no collusion, I promise). Back to the Future , to me, is the closest thing there is to a perfect film. Not only did this initial entry set the stage for what became the greatest trilogy of all time, it has maintained its quality and relevance. This film came out in 1985 – 40 years ago – and you can still watch it today without relying on nostalgia. You often hear people begging for original ideas that aren't linked to an existing IP. Something fun, exciting, and memorable... Well, perhaps you need to travel back in time to scratch that itch. The clock tower isn't the only place lightning struck. This film is magic. - Nick HONORABLE MENTIONS ALIEN DIE HARD STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE OCEAN'S ELEVEN SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

Previous Next September 24, 2025 WRITTEN BY: NICK It’s no secret that TIFF is my favourite festival. Yes, it takes place in my hometown and is the only major festival I've been to, but I like the accessibility and mainstream feel it has. This year was the 50th anniversary, too, so it brought an added layer of coverage and excitement beyond the latest collection of films. Unfortunately, my fourth year covering TIFF faced some challenges, mainly an injury, which limited my slate. I was still able to see a total of 26 films — technically 27 as I checked out a 50th anniversary screening of Jaws on 35mm film, as well. Beyond the films, this year’s highlights included finally meeting the longest tenured member of Bitesize Breakdown , Amarú, in person. Sitting and experiencing the premiere of Wasteman next to stars David Jonsson and Tom Blyth – and having a wonderful chat with Jonsson afterwards. Premieres, Red Carpets, and lots of film conversation with everyone ranging from local press, like Screenfish ’s Steve Norton to Happy Sad Confused ’s Josh Horowitz, to film fans that traveled from afar to see their favourite films and stars made for a great time. There was a wide range of opinions on the nearly 300 films screened, but if you’re wondering what I thought… 26. THE MAN IN MY BASEMENT Maybe I’ve just gotten too used to Willem Dafoe playing outlandish characters, and expected something more in that vein, but I found The Man in My Basement to be a bit of a bore. I can’t put this on the performances of Dafoe or Corey Hawkins because they’re fine, if unspectacular. I just think everything hit a lull following its mysterious setup. It’s not a film devoid of good ideas, it just doesn’t present them in a way that could keep my attention. There’s something here, no doubt, but it needed a lot more work to be brought to fruition. 25. SACRIFICE There’s a lot reminiscent of Triangle of Sadness in the early going of Sacrifice , and although I enjoyed that film, I can’t say the same about this one. It starts strong as a satire on climate change focusing on the arrogance of the wealthy, led by a solid Chris Evans performance; however, once Anya Taylor-Joy's Joan enters the fray, everything falls apart. The early goodwill is undone by the inclusion of cult aspects and what becomes a quite annoying showing from Taylor-Joy. It all boils down to an unsatisfying conclusion that left me wondering what the point of it all was. 24. MOTOR CITY Sure, there are some highlights, good music, and it oozes machismo, but Motor City is a misfire. Though certainly ambitious, the aspect of telling a film practically devoid of dialogue may be its weakest point, as it quickly turns into a gimmick that hurts far more than it helps. It’s as if specific shots and set-pieces were thought of, and then the creative team decided to build a story around that. Like a two-hour highlight reel. This may work for a much shorter film, but at its runtime, Motor City feels like a film that was made out of only its own trailers. 23. GOOD FORTUNE I will preface my review here by saying that I’ve never been a fan of Aziz Ansari, so Good Fortune already had an uphill battle to climb. Even with that caveat, this is still just a run-of-the-mill, relatively forgettable comedy. An entertaining fish-out-of-water performance from Keanu Reeves aside, this just didn’t supply frequent enough laughs, as it's reminiscent of a movie that would have come out in the nineties as opposed to a present day feature. I know we’ve been harping on a return to theatres for studio comedies, but this one would likely have been better left for streaming. 22. BALLAD OF A SMALL PLAYER Coming off of Conclave (my personal favourite film of TIFF 2024), director Edward Berger returns with Ballad of a Small Player, and it’s a big disappointment. Aside from giving Colin Farrell the stage for a reliably terrific performance and being a great showcase for Macau, the film feels kind of hollow. I understood the themes of addiction and temptation, and the search for fulfillment throughout, but the story gets muddled despite a strong and dynamic start. It finds its footing again for the conclusion, but it’s too little too late. Some heavy lifting done by Farrell isn’t enough to salvage Berger’s misstep. 21. EASY’S WALTZ A story set in the underbelly of Las Vegas, written and directed by Nic Pizzolatto of True Detective fame? This definitely should have been more than just “fine,” but it spends its runtime desperately trying to get to a second gear that it never reaches. This is no fault of Vince Vaughn, who gives it his all as a down-on-his-luck crooner and breathes life into Easy’s Waltz . It’s the rest of the film that just kind of coasts along. As fellow Bitesizer Quentin would say, it’s a perfectly cromulent film. Nothing more; nothing less. But with the talent attached, it should have been more. 20. CHRISTY As someone who has remained unconvinced of Sydney Sweeney's dramatic lead potential, Christy is without a doubt her strongest case yet. Sweeney and co-star Ben Foster are both excellent in this, and when the focus is on the relationship of their characters, it's engaging. Unfortunately, the boxing aspect is where things fall short. For as much boxing as there is in the film, the in-ring scenes aren't dynamic in any way, and it leads to weightless fights. A career-best performance for Sweeney, no doubt. But the portrayal of Christy Martin's boxing career deserved more effort. 19. GOOD BOY With a unique premise and Stephen Graham coming off of Adolescence , Good Boy was on my radar fairly early. Although it landed in the middle of the pack for my festival run, it’s not without its positives. Graham and Anson Boone are key among them, as their abilities to give their characters aspects of both villainy and humanity kept me engaged throughout the entire film. As great as both leads are, however, the film’s pacing often betrays them and limits the potential for powerful moments in this character study about rehabilitation. Much like its title, this one is “good” not great. 18. RENTAL FAMILY Brendan Fraser comes across as a very kind and genuine human being, so casting him in Rental Family makes total sense. That doesn’t mean it works, though. Hikari has directed a fairly surface level story that can’t seem to focus itself. It’s a shame, as some of the themes introduced have endless potential, yet the film goes in too many directions to be able to expand on most of them. Fraser is exactly what you want him to be, but it’s the film surrounding him that feels afraid to dive into some of the questions it asks. It would’ve been much more interesting if it did. 17. MILE END KICKS Director Chandler Levack earned tons of recognition from her film I Like Movies, and much of the same directorial qualities are present in Mile End Kicks . It’s another grounded, indie story that is unabashedly Canadian and features an unlikeable protagonist (Grace played by Barbie Ferreira). This seems to be Levack's wheelhouse. Kicks covers all the difficulties of young love. Be it the hypnotism, the bad decisions, the blindness, the manipulation, and of course, the sex. I was increasingly frustrated with Grace's decision-making, but then again, that’s quite authentic to life in your early twenties. Mark Kicks as another lived-in film to add to Levack’s filmography. 16. THE LOST BUS Natural disasters will never stop being good material for exhilarating survival films, and The Lost Bus is yet another example. Director Paul Greengrass brings his signature docu-drama style to the world of wildfires, and it may be his best utilization of it to date. The script has its challenges (particularly in the more grounded moments), but both Matthew McConaughey and America Ferrera make the most of it. I'm not saying this is ground-breaking in any way, but it's a thrilling theatrical experience that yet again makes me wonder why we don’t get more firefighting films. 15. SENTIMENTAL VALUE I'm not sure why Sentimental Value didn’t work as well for me as it did for others. The performances are great, the story is tight and well thought out, and I have no real qualms about Joachim Trier's direction. Yet, I didn’t emotionally connect to this story in any way. Whether it’s the focus on generational trauma, making up for lost time, or simply the bond of family, I never found myself moved. It’s all a fairly mundane affair, and while Trier succeeded in making the characters feel like a real-life fractured family, they just weren’t a family I could fully invest in. 14. SAIPAN Saipan takes a look at a lesser known side of sports, focusing less about what happens on the field and more about how much goes into tournament preparation and the importance of the player-manager relationship. It wipes away the glamour those assume comes with a World Cup to show the grimier side of things. More importantly, it shows the contentious relationship between Roy Keane (Éanna Hardwicke) and manager Mick McCarthy (Steve Coogan), which is a contrast to the simpatico duo these films often showcase. Solid performances, a true story, and a peek behind the curtain make Saipan a nice surprise. 13. MODERN WHORE I’ve been waiting for a feature length version of Modern Whore since seeing the original short film back in 2020. Luckily, director Nicole Bazuin and star Andrea Werhun bring the same charm, comedy, importance, and magic to this feature film. Werhun's magnetic presence instantly pulls you into her story, as she never shies away from the judgement bound to come, nor the intricacies of being a sex worker. Bazuin, for her part, incorporates the animation, cut-scenes, and graphics that made the short films work so well, while adding interviews with those closest to Andrea, which gives the film an added personal element. Worth the wait. 12. THE SECRET AGENT The biggest success of The Secret Agent is in its craftsmanship. Director Kleber Mendonça Filho has recreated 1970s Brazil with impressive authenticity, and it plays as important a role as any character in the film. Well, aside from Wagner Moura's Marcelo. Moura gets to show off leading man capabilities here and keeps you engaged throughout the (deliberately) slower paced film. That pacing can be tough, but along with some other aspects of the film, it makes sense the further the story goes. By its end you have an impressive piece of filmmaking that makes up for a lack of excitement with detail and structure. 11. THE SMASHING MACHINE Despite a couple of teases, I’ve been waiting to see what Dwayne Johnson can do in a serious film. Well, The Smashing Machine is his chance, and he shows how much potential is there. Going into the film, I questioned why Mark Kerr (played here by Johnson) deserved a biopic, and after leaving the film… I still question why Mark Kerr deserved a biopic. As a vehicle for Johnson to finally spread his wings, it’s a great first step. As a sports biopic, it’s fine, but an echo of countless other stories within the MMA world. Now let’s see if Johnson can keep this up. 10. YOU HAD TO BE THERE: HOW THE TORONTO GODSPELL IGNITED THE COMEDY REVOLUTION, SPREAD LOVE & OVERALLS, AND CREATED A COMMUNITY THAT CHANGED THE WORLD (IN A CANADIAN KIND OF WAY) The Toronto production of Godspell was before my time, but You Had to Be There… (the full title would take up my whole review) hammers home just how vital it was to comedy today. The butterfly effect of this single production is something to behold, but the true strength of this documentary is the cast. It’s not just hearing the reflections of their time together, but seeing the genuine family that came out of this one job. You can’t help but feel the love and gratitude that everyone shares, and it makes for one of the more feel-good films of TIFF. 9. ROOFMAN There’s no doubt that Roofman is the strongest performance of Channing Tatum’s career. In fact, this is likely the mold for his ideal leading-man role. There’s comedy, romance, goofiness, a hint of toughness, and tons of heart. Think Tom Hanks in the 90s but more of a badass. A lesser performance would’ve made Jeffrey Manchester (Tatum) hard to root for, but with the heart Tatum infuses into this real life story, you can’t help but want to see him succeed in some way. Add in solid supporting performances (Kirsten Dunst, Peter Dinklage) and this film ends up better than it has any right to be. 8. WAKE UP DEAD MAN I hate to pigeonhole a director, but if Rian Johnson continues making murder mysteries for the rest of his career, I'd be fine with that. Johnson has a knack for this, and his pairing with the now iconic Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) is magic. Although Blanc takes a backseat to Rev. Duplenticy (Josh O’Connor) here, he still has moments to shine as Johnson tries his hand at creating a gothic horror film. It's ambitious, but it works, though not quite as well as the previous two entries. That said, I will still gladly take a fourth film on the work of one Benoit Blanc. 7. CAROLINA CAROLINE Samara Weaving and Kyle Gallner are two of the more underrated actors working today, and Carolina Caroline is a terrific showcase for both of them to hammer that point home. A modern day Bonnie and Clyde saga, the love story is what takes center stage over the heist elements. The chemistry between Weaving and Gallner is off the charts, as her southern innocence is the perfect counter to his bad boy charm. They’re both sides of a magnet and you can feel the way they’re drawn to each other. It’s sexy, fun, and exciting and may just finally elevate these two in the public eye. 6. TUNER When it comes to Tuner , Dustin Hoffman may get you in the door, but you still walk into a surprisingly good film. Evoking memories of films like Baby Driver , this is just a good time at the movies. Leo Woodall gives perhaps his strongest performance to date, and everything auditory in the film - from its sound design to its jazz infused score - is all top notch. Plus, the aforementioned Hoffman can still steal a scene at 88 years old. Considering this is a debut narrative feature from a documentary filmmaker, this is quite a success. 5. HAMNET There’s no doubt Chloé Zhao makes thoughtful films, but I've never really connected with most of her offerings. That all changed with Hamnet . In the early stages of the film, there is a lot of meditative beauty, almost like a fairytale. It’s when the love story hits the climax and the tone changes where things stand out. Both Jessie Buckley and Paul Mescal give great performances here, but it's Zhao's direction that really elevates this sorrowful journey. I could feel the emotion bubbling inside me as the story grew, and when it was released, it was both cathartic and overwhelming. Zhao’s best by my count. 4. WASTEMAN To me, the best on-screen depiction of prison has been HBO'S Oz . So it's a huge compliment to say that's what Wasteman reminded me of. I've been waxing poetic about David Jonsson for some time, but this film is more than just a great showing from him. In fact, Tom Blyth is the headline here, as he comes out of nowhere with a powerhouse performance. A gritty, dirty film that never glorifies prison nor shy away from its issues, Wasteman may not bring anything new to the table, but when a story is told and performed as well as this, it doesn’t always need to. 3. NO OTHER CHOICE Park Chan-wook really has something with No Other Choice . Having only seen Oldboy previously, this was a bold reintroduction to the director's work. It’s incredibly difficult to make comedy work with subtitles because so much of it is about timing, but Chan-wook finds a way to expel that issue. Whether it’s the use of physical comedy or the facial expressions from star Lee Byung-hun (who is all-around great here), the comedy shines. Yet, Chan-wook still manages to find a place to include deep commentary on class and capitalism, wrap it all up with a striking final shot, and create an impressively layered film. 2. FRANKENSTEIN Frankenstein is director Guillermo del Toro’s heart laid out on screen. The director’s passion for this story is evident in every scene, and I truly think this is some of his best work to date. The world-building and appearance of the film are exceptional, as del Toro's unwavering use of practical effects shines through. Jacob Elordi as The Creature blows away all expectations while del Toro continues to succeed in finding humanity within a monster. It’s not perfect, mind you – Mia Goth is miscast and the script could be a touch tighter – but much like Frankenstein’s monster, it rises above any of its imperfections. 1. NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE As someone who’s never seen Nirvanna the Band the Show , I really had no idea what to expect going into this movie. But it’s incredible. Yes, the film is hilarious, as Matt Johnson and Jay McCarrol have clearly fine-tuned these characters. It’s the filmmaking, however, that kind of blew me away. Some of the things that Johnson attempts and succeeds at, be it editing or flat out risk-taking, is thoroughly impressive. On top of that, this thing is so authentically Torontonian, and that combined with a certain film’s integration to the story’s plot, made me feel like this was made for me.

WELCOME TO WREXHAM Starring: Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney Creators: Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney QUENTIN As a non-soccer fan living in Europe, I was hoping that Welcome to Wrexham , through the involvement of Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney, would jumpstart my interest in the sport. While it didn’t do that, it’s still a solid watch for those who already enjoy the game. It plays a lot like HBO’s Hard Knocks meets Ted Lasso , giving background on the team, the game, the city of Wrexham, and most importantly, the dedicated fans. As a love letter to all those things, it objectively succeeds; however, for me, I just can’t get myself interested enough in the footie to care all that much.

Previous Next April 23, 2025 It's time to tackle our first series of 2025, Disney's take on Daredevil's beloved Netflix series, Daredevil: Born Again ! Click HERE to subscribe to our YouTube channel for all of our latest video content including our interviews, and be sure to give us a thumbs up and comment your thoughts!

FOUNDATION: SEASON ONE Starring: Jared Harris, Lee Pace, Lou Llobell, Leah Harvey, Laura Birn, Terrence Mann, and Cassian Milton Creators: Josh Friedman and David S. Goyer QUENTIN Given the sprawling nature of Foundation and the time period over which it takes place (literally 1000 years), it’s easy to see why this show struggles to stay interesting. It’s a space opera that must do a lot of world building (with constant time jumps) for the planned eight season run. However, in doing so, this season feels like the first act of an 80-hour movie. It might be the best-looking sci-fi show I’ve ever seen, but it feels like a show that one must slog through several seasons before it gets good. I don’t have the time or patience. JAMES As an Isaac Asimov fan, I have to wonder what David S. Goyer was thinking when he adapted Foundation . His writers’ room seems to have read Asimov’s books and not liked them because the writing comes across as confrontational towards the central concept of the books: namely, the foundation itself. Only Lee Pace’s Cleon makes the show worthwhile, with the palace intrigues and imperial powerplays milked for all they’re worth. The showrunners were clearly more interested in sci-fi palace drama, so why did they adapt Foundation instead of Asimov’s Galactic Empire ? This is a baffling mess of a television series.

MADE FOR LOVE: SEASON TWO Starring: Cristin Milioti, Billy Magnussen, Ray Romano, Dan Bakkedahl, Noma Dumezweni, Caleb Foote, and Sarunas J. Jackson Creators: Alissa Nutting, Dean Bakopoulos, Patrick Somerville, and Christina Lee QUENTIN Much like Upload , Made for Love is a tech-centric relationship dramedy that has fizzled out as it is forced to rely on actual story instead of clever world-building. While it’s still occasionally humorous and mildly interesting, this season is simply not as sharp, quirky, or well-drawn as the first season. Plus, the later episodes fall down a rabbit hole that ultimately favors concept over story and character, which, honestly, really sapped my interest. Cristin Milioti and Ray Romano still give good, borderline great, performances, but to what end? At this point, I can’t say I really care about Season Three.

Previous Next March 15, 2026 With the Oscars coming up, we're once again going to launch an episode for each film the Academy Awards have nominated for Best Picture. Each day leading to the ceremony, we will release an episode, and it's time to end it with a bang! One Battle After Another has had all the momentum for Best Picture, Best Director, Adapted Screenplay, and many others (surprisingly little for Leo though). That said, the discussions haven’t all been positive, especially surrounding the treatment of Black women in the film. Well, the Bitesize crew is joined by Jeannine “The Machine” Brice and Harrison Martin to dive into that particular conversation, the great performances, and whether the film is bound to win it all. Click HERE to subscribe to our YouTube channel for all of our latest video content including our interviews, and be sure to give us a thumbs up and comment your thoughts!

Previous Next August 20, 2025 WRITTEN BY: QUENTIN While it’s true we are about to enter film festival season, when most eventual award winners start trickling out, something else is also brewing. Football is back, baby! Despite me being a massive fan of both movies and football, I’m not entirely sure where the overlap is between the two fandoms. However, I’d venture to say that most football fans probably enjoy movies about football. I’d also bet that many of those individuals play fantasy football. That’s where I come in… With the NFL season starting in a few weeks, most fantasy players are doing fantasy draft prep, myself included. But I’m also preparing for multiple film festivals. I recently applied to both Zurich and Sundance Film Festivals (among others), which means I need to look ahead to what their slates might be so I know what movies to prioritize. Meanwhile, I’ve long been studying which NFL players might be a breakout, bust, or sleeper this season. In splitting my research time between movies and fantasy football, the two lines of thinking merged, prompting the following question: Who would be on my Fictional Fantasy Football Team? The rules are simple… 1. Only fictional football players, television or film. That means no players based on real people, so no one from the likes of Remember the Titans or Invincible . 2. To maintain some variety, no two players from the same movie. Otherwise, I might end up drafting everyone from Any Given Sunday . 3. I’m limiting myself to movies and series that I’ve seen, which means there might be some glaring omissions, in your opinion. For example, I never watched NBC’s Friday Night Lights , so no Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch) or Brian “Smash” Williams (Gaius Charles). 4. Obviously, comparing high school players to NFL players is a fool’s errand, so I’m working with the general caveat that “all things are created equal,” meaning all fictional players are playing in the same league. Frankly, there just aren’t enough football movies to make this work otherwise. A stud high school player in Varsity Blues is the same as a stud professional in The Replacements . Also, I’m assuming all players are in their prime. 5. I’m going with the standard lineup: QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, FLEX, K, DST. Also, this is a PPR league (point per reception). 6. Lastly, I’m obviously not drafting against anyone else, so this team, in my eyes, is the best team available based on the rules above. Now, to quote Hank Williams, Jr., “are you ready for some FOOTBALLLLLLLLL!?!?!” QUARTERBACK: PAUL “WRECKING” CREWE, THE LONGEST YARD Specifically, I’m talking about the 1974 version of the character played by Burt Reynolds, not the 2005 version played by Adam Sandler. Nothing against Sandler, but Reynolds was a scholarship football player at Florida State, so his Crewe clearly has a more athletic build and probably better skillset than Sandler’s Crewe. Plus, real talk, quarterbacks in the 70s were just tougher than they are today. That notwithstanding, in his one on-screen game, he (eventually) shows composure, grit, determination, and leadership as he wills his team back from a 35-13 deficit against a dirty team not playing by the rules. He demonstrates incredible accuracy, the ability to make plays with his legs, and a solid game IQ. He’s also a former NFL MVP, so the talent is there to be an elite fantasy QB. RUNNING BACK: JULIAN “J-MAN” WASHINGTON, ANY GIVEN SUNDAY Look, I get that Julian Washington (LL Cool J) is a diva and one of the most selfish football players in on-screen history. However, this is a fantasy squad. I just need him to rack up yards and touchdowns, not be a positive locker room presence. For one, he’s stout at 6’2”, 230lbs. For comparison, the Philadelphia Eagles’ Saquon Barkley, who had a league-leading 2,283 total yards and 14 total touchdowns in 2024, is 6’, 234lbs. On top of that, Washington is a proven league-leading RB, having rushed for 1,500 yards the year before joining the Miami Sharks. He also has a reputation for constantly trying to get paid. Sure, that means his own head coach called him a “mercenary,” but it also means he’s doing everything in his power to hit all his incentive clauses and set up his next contract in free agency. In fantasy, that sort of selfishness wins championships. RUNNING BACK: RAY JENNINGS, DRAFT DAY We don’t have a ton of game film on Ray Jennings (Arian Foster), but there are a few anecdotes that make him a worthy RB2. We know that in his final season at Florida State, he had more than 2,000 total yards and finished as a Heisman finalist, which was enough to get him drafted #7 overall. We also know that his dad, Earl Jennings (Terry Crews) was an NFL legend, so there are good genes at play. Lastly, we know the actor portraying Jennings, former NFL RB Foster, was a dual-threat fantasy stud before injuries derailed his career. With the idea that actors put themselves into their characters, it’s not a giant leap to think Jennings could produce much like Foster did in his heyday, notching three All-Pro teams and four Pro-Bowls while leading the NFL in rushing touchdowns twice. WIDE RECEIVER: ROD TIDWELL, JERRY MAGUIRE Podcaster Bill Simmons once estimated that Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) had about 1,550 yards on 110 catches over the course of the season in Jerry Maguire . That is elite production, especially in 1996. For comparison, in real life, the most receptions in 1996 belonged to Jerry Rice (108) and the most receiving yards belonged to Isaac Bruce (1,338). So, yeah, he would have been the league’s best wideout. Although he is a bit undersized, he makes up for it with his intensity, competitiveness, and “kwan,” showing elite speed, great hands, and complete reliability as both a deep threat and a player who isn’t afraid to go across the middle. I could go on, but honestly, the estimated numbers speak for themselves. Tidwell is a first-round talent. WIDE RECEIVER: DEACON MOSS, THE LONGEST YARD You might think this is a cheat, but I said, “no two players from the same movie.” The Longest Yard (1974) and The Longest Yard (2005) are scientifically proven to be two separate movies. In fact, Deacon Moss (Michael Irvin) isn’t even a character in the original. Therefore, we’re good. In any case, Moss is a big-bodied, physical wideout that dominates defensive backs to make tough catches in traffic, and his incredible hands make him an indispensable offensive weapon. There is much we could speculate about how Moss would translate prison-yard skills to the NFL, but much like Ray Jennings, we have a perfect real-life parallel. Irvin, known as “The Playmaker,” was a three-time All-Pro and five-time Pro-Bowler who averaged almost 1,300 yards, 83 receptions, and seven touchdowns per season during his prime. The dude is an NFL Hall of Famer, and these numbers aren’t out of reach for Moss, whose inclusion is a no-brainer. When paired with Tidwell, that’s a 1-2 fantasy punch at WR that would be untouchable. TIGHT END: BRIAN MURPHY, THE REPLACEMENTS Much like real fantasy football, TE is slim pickings in fictional fantasy football too. After much research, Brian Murphy (David Denman) is the only fictional TE I could find with any usable profile. All evidence points to him having been a first-round talent if only he weren’t deaf, which is a good start. Former NFL fullback Derrick Coleman, also deaf, has shown that the hearing-impaired can have some NFL success. So, why not Murphy? He has the size and hands to be, if nothing else, a decent target in the red zone, as demonstrated by catching the game-winning, playoff-clinching touchdown against the Dallas Knights. At worst, he’s probably touchdown dependent, but that is all you can really hope for with most TEs, anyway. FLEX: BUDDY, AIR BUD: GOLDEN RECEIVER Wherever I happen to be as you’re reading this right now, just know that I can feel you rolling your eyes into another dimension. Just hear me out… First, yes, Buddy (Rush, Chase, Zak, and Chance) is a dog, but he’s also a multi-sport star. Name another athlete that has proven to be competitively successful in football, basketball, soccer, baseball, and volleyball. Second, name one person who could keep up with a golden retriever that runs the 40-yard dash in about 2.7 seconds. Given his speed and agility, Buddy is a matchup nightmare. Plus, it’s noted that he could run a marathon, so he has endurance too. As it pertains to football, specifically, he averages at least three touchdowns per game with zero drops. In the championship game alone, he has at least 140 rushing yards, 100 receiving yards, and three touchdowns. He averages 40 yards after the catch! You may think it’s silly to include him here, but those are Madden numbers, making for an unstoppable flex. It remains to be seen if he would be the highest scoring player in all of fantasy, but he’ll almost certainly be a very good boy, nevertheless. KICKER: LUCY DRAPER, NECESSARY ROUGHNESS Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland), a soccer player, is essentially the only offensive threat on a terrible team, which means since drives will inevitably stall in enemy territory, she will be inundated with field goal chances. She has also shown the ability to split the uprights in the driving rain and from distance with the game on the line, demonstrating the type of clutch poise that would make Ray Finkle jealous. Let’s not forget that she also stood up to an opposing player in tremendous fashion after being taunted for being a woman in a “man’s game,” so she’s got the moxie typical of most successful football players. DEFENSE/SPECIAL TEAMS: UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA, FORREST GUMP I admit, this one may be a cheat. Yes, I said no real people, but even as I recognize the University of Alabama is a real team, I’m drafting it for a very specific and very fictional reason: Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks). If you don’t play fantasy football, you may not know that, in addition to scoring fantasy points based on how many real points your fantasy defense gave up in a real game, you usually get points for kickoff and punt return yards and touchdowns too. Gump was a machine on that front, even becoming an All-American for seemingly doing little else but returning kickoffs for touchdowns (in the movie, at least). Now, Gump attended Alabama from 1959 to 1963. I don’t know anything else about the rest of Alabama’s team in the world of Forrest Gump , but in real life, Alabama went 38-4-1 during that time, including winning the national title in 1961 when they only gave up 25 total points in 11 games. I also know that Gump had six kickoff returns for touchdowns in his first season (both the real-life NCAA and NFL record is four in a season), one of which was for 99 yards. Lastly, in 2024, the average touchdowns scored by a DST was 1.6 (the Denver Broncos had the most with five). That includes touchdowns stemming from interceptions, fumble recoveries, kickoff returns, and punt returns. If Gump can continue breaking return touchdown records while racking up return yards in support of an apparently stout defensive unit, that creates a significant advantage over every other team.

Previous Next December 10, 2023 WRITTEN BY: ADRIANO This year sees the Golden Globes take one of their biggest shake ups since… well, last year, when they had another big shakeup. For the 81st Golden Globes, which take place on January 7th, 2024, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (or HFPA), the usual voting body for the Golden Globes, has been disbanded. Since then, Dick Clark Productions and Eldridge Industries have acquired the awards show, and expanded the voting body from 200 voters to 300 while championing a 60% racially and ethnically diverse contingent of voters. Alongside the voting change, a new category has been added to the film side, the controversial Cinematic and Box-Office Achievement Award, and most interestingly enough, the categories’ nomination count has been expanded from five slots to six. With that, many questions arise as to what the Golden Globes will look like this year. We’ll likely see the films we expect to dominate the awards season going forward to do well here, such as Martin Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon , Yorgos Lanthimos’ Poor Things , and Bradley Cooper’s Maestro . And of course, “Barbenheimer” is highly expected to dominate on both sides of the aisle with Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer on the dramatic side and Greta Gerwig’s Barbie on the musical/comedy side. The bigger questions are reserved for the fringe contenders, such as Justine Triet’s Anatomy of a Fall , or even Blitz Bazawule’s The Color Purple . The Color Purple , in particular, because in other years, a crowd-pleasing musical would likely annihilate at the Golden Globes; however, with this new voting body, while I personally find it likely the film will receive nominations, will it receive as many nominations as one would expect? As for an international title like Anatomy of a Fall or Jonathan Glazer’s The Zone of Interest , will these types of titles fare better than they have in the past with the new voting body? Either way, for many titles, this will be the jumping-off point for the rest of the awards season. I highly expect Cord Jefferson’s American Fiction and Celine Song’s Past Lives to cement their spots in the Best Picture race, but for other titles, I’m more interested in whether or not they will get the platform to show that they are here to stay. Titles such as Ben Affleck’s Air , Todd Haynes’ May December , Sofia Coppola’s Priscilla , and Sean Durkin’s The Iron Claw are where we can see who means business and who will be missing out on awards season altogether. All that said, I’m just excited that awards season is officially upon us, so get ready… because the Golden Globes are about to fire the starting gun! Side note: For the sake of clarity and due to a lack of understanding at this point in time, I’ve decided not to focus on the television side, so this will only focus on the film side of the Golden Globes. Without further ado, here are my predictions: Best Motion Picture - Drama OPPENHEIMER KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON MAESTRO ANATOMY OF A FALL PAST LIVES THE IRON CLAW Alt: PRISCILLA Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama Carey Mulligan - MAESTRO Sandra Hüller - ANATOMY OF A FALL Lily Gladstone - KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON Cailee Spaeny - PRISCILLA Greta Lee - PAST LIVES Annette Bening - NYAD Alt: Teyana Taylor - A THOUSAND AND ONE Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama Cillian Murphy - OPPENHEIMER Bradley Cooper - MAESTRO Leonardo DiCaprio - KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON Colman Domingo - RUSTIN Zac Efron - THE IRON CLAW Andrew Scott - ALL OF US STRANGERS Alt: Adam Driver - FERRARI Outstanding Motion Picture - Musical/Comedy BARBIE POOR THINGS THE HOLDOVERS AMERICAN FICTION THE COLOR PURPLE MAY DECEMBER Alt: WONKA Outstanding Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical/Comedy Emma Stone - POOR THINGS Margot Robbie - BARBIE Natalie Portman - MAY DECEMBER Fantasia Barrino - THE COLOR PURPLE Jennifer Lawrence - NO HARD FEELINGS Ayo Edebiri - BOTTOMS Alt: Eve Hewson - FLORA AND SON Outstanding Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical/Comedy Paul Giamatti - THE HOLDOVERS Jeffrey Wright - AMERICAN FICTION Timothee Chalamet - WONKA Nicolas Cage - DREAM SCENARIO Jason Schwartzman - ASTEROID CITY Gael Garcia Bernal - CASSANDRO Alt: Matt Damon - AIR Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in Any Motion Picture Danielle Brooks - THE COLOR PURPLE Da’Vine Joy Randolph - THE HOLDOVERS Emily Blunt - OPPENHEIMER Taraji P. Henson - THE COLOR PURPLE Penelope Cruz - FERRARI Jodie Foster - NYAD Alt: America Ferrera - BARBIE Best Performance by a Supporting Actor in Any Motion Picture Ryan Gosling - BARBIE Robert Downey Jr. - OPPENHEIMER Mark Ruffalo - POOR THINGS Willem Dafoe - POOR THINGS Robert De Niro - KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON Charles Melton - MAY DECEMBER Alt: Dominic Sessa - THE HOLDOVERS Best Director Christopher Nolan - OPPENHEIMER Yorgos Lanthimos - POOR THINGS Martin Scorsese - KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON Greta Gerwig - BARBIE Bradley Cooper - MAESTRO Justine Triet - ANATOMY OF A FALL Alt: Alexander Payne - THE HOLDOVERS Best Screenplay Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach - BARBIE Tony McNamara - POOR THINGS David Hemingson - THE HOLDOVERS Christopher Nolan - OPPENHEIMER Celine Song - PAST LIVES Eric Roth and Martin Scorsese - KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON Alt: Cord Jefferson - AMERICAN FICTION Best Motion Picture - Animated SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE ELEMENTAL THE BOY AND THE HERON TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM NIMONA CHICKEN RUN: DAWN OF THE NUGGET Alt: THE PEASANTS Best Motion Picture - Non-English Language ANATOMY OF A FALL SOCIETY OF THE SNOW THE TASTE OF THINGS PERFECT DAYS THE BOY AND THE HERON THE ZONE OF INTEREST Alt: THE TEACHER’S LOUNGE Best Original Score Ludwig Göransson - OPPENHEIMER Robbie Robertson - KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON Daniel Pemberton - SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE Christopher Bear and Daniel Rossen - PAST LIVES Thomas Newman - ELEMENTAL John Williams - INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY Alt: Jerskin Fendrix - POOR THINGS Best Original Song I’m Just Ken - BARBIE (Written by: Mark Ronson and Andrew Wyatt) What Was I Made For? - BARBIE (Written by: Billie Eilish O’Connell and Finneas O’Connell) Keep it Movin’ - THE COLOR PURPLE (Written by: Halle Bailey, Denisia Andrews, Brittany Coney, and Morten Ristorp) Am I Dreaming - SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (Written by: Mike Dean, Peter Lee Johnson, Rakim Mayers, Roisee, Landon Wayne, and Leland Wayne) A World of Your Own - WONKA (Written by: Neil Hannon) High Life - FLORA AND SON (Written by: Gary Clark, John Carney, and Eve Hewson) Alt: Can’t Catch Me Now - THE HUNGER GAMES: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES (Written by: Dan Nigro and Olivia Rodrigo) Cinematic and Box-Office Achievement Award BARBIE OPPENHEIMER SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3 JOHN WICK CHAPTER 4 TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM THE LITTLE MERMAID ELEMENTAL Alt: MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - DEAD RECKONING PART 1 Photo Credits: Warner Bros. 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INVINCIBLE: SEASON FOUR Starring: Steven Yeun, Sandra Oh, J.K. Simmons, Walton Goggins, Seth Rogen, and Gillian Jacobs Creators: Robert Kirkman, Ryan Ottley, and Cory Walker AMARÚ Invincible 's previous seasons had trouble keeping mid-season momentum due to juggling multiple storylines and a cavalcade of characters. Liking those characters, along with amazing action and animation, always kept enough goodwill to make it through each time. Now I see that the early seasons’ foundation set up Season Four to be Invincible ’s best by a long shot. What used to be disparate plot points are now coalescing into a well-threaded intertwining of layered players coming together to create the most emotionally resonant and epic season to date. Plus, the action gets more “oh shit” worthy with each subsequent episode. PAIGE Invincible : Season Four continues to be an action-packed rollercoaster that’s emotionally charged and bloody as all hell. With this season heavily focusing on the Viltrumite war, the story expands in both scope and scale which also leads to some of the most impactful character beats the show has offered thus far. As per usual, the voiceover work here is strong, but I have to point out that some of the animation this season was a bit lackluster in quite a few notable scenes. Despite that and a few pacing issues here and there, this season delivered some of the best episodes from the series to date. KATIE The story in this season of Invincible has been more focused, and subsequently more compelling than previous ones, and it continues its exploration into Mark’s (Steven Yeun) internal struggles and his relationships. However, this usually visually engaging show is held back by the disappointing quality of the visuals and some lacklustre vocal performances. The static-looking animation lacks energy, creativity, and momentum. Some of the action is brutal, as usual, but it is badly choreographed and often falls flat, so it just lacks impact overall. Let's hope the next season spends less on celebrity voice actors and more on the animation. Check out our reviews for Season Three HERE .

THE RESIDENCE Starring: Uzo Aduba, Randall Park, Giancarlo Esposito, Susan Kelechi Watson, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Edwina Findley, Mel Rodriguez, Molly Griggs, Bronson Pinchot, Jason Lee, Jane Curtin, Al Franken, and Ken Marino Creator: Paul William Davies AMARÚ I’ve seen The Residence ’s playbook dozens of times: murder mystery in a high stakes location, a quirky investigator, and a multitude of colorful suspects. Give me that vibe a dozen more times too if it’s this entertaining. I want Uzo Aduba’s Cordelia Cupp to be named amongst the Benoit Blancs and Hercule Poirots. I need Heather Capps, John Daigle, Ali Greer, and Roger Nygard to understand how essential their editing was to the pitch-perfect comedic timing. I have to impart that I don’t care what flaws this show has (some bits last too long) because this is exactly, perfectly, my shit. Five reels. QUENTIN Full disclosure: given that The Residence is from Shondaland, I almost ignored it. However, I’m a sucker for movies like Knives Out and Clue , so curiosity won me over. Whatever it lacks in originality — it has all the stereotypical hallmarks of the eccentric “world’s best” detective, quirky suspects galore, red herrings, and the like — it makes up for in charm, the performance of Uzo Aduba, and her chemistry with Randall Park. It’s certainly not without its flaws, as a few of the quirks are too quirky and there are some asides that don’t add much, but this is nonetheless a winner for light-hearted murder mystery fans.