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Bitesize Breakdown features film & series reviews, interviews, rankings, and more from a diverse, global collective of entertainment writers! NEW REVIEWS FILMS TV SPOTLIGHT READ READ READ

Bitesize Breakdown features film & series reviews, interviews, rankings, and more from a diverse, global collective of entertainment writers! NEW REVIEWS FILMS SERIES SPOTLIGHT READ WATCH READ READ

Consensus Top 5 lists from our team of writers ranking a variety of items from the world of film & television. TOP FIVE READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ

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Editorials on a wide array of subjects that take a deeper dive into the films & series we love. FEATURES READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ

A Bitesize chat with a variety of people from the entertainment industry. INTERVIEWS READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ

RELAY Starring: Riz Ahmed, Lily James, and Sam Worthington Director: David Mackenzie NICK Relay feels straight out of the 90s. Like, I can picture reruns of this film playing on TBS growing up. That's not a knock, either. The movie is specifically meant as an homage, so it succeeds on that front. It's the required intensity that is absent. That's not Riz Ahmed’s or Lily James’ fault, both of whom provide solid performances and great chemistry. It's the pacing and overall feel of the film; it's just a little on the forgettable side. With the rerun era essentially obsolete, Relay won't have the same chance as its predecessors, but perhaps it finds a home on streaming. ADRIANO It's disappointing to have a movie you're genuinely enjoying get ruined by a big twist. That's what Relay is, a movie that had me enthralled with its whip-smart cat-and-mouse game for a large chunk of the runtime, which was enjoyable enough to overshadow the narrow attempts at emotional character writing; however, when that big reveal happens, it turns the movie completely on its face in a way that isn't true to anything that was set-up, story- or character-wise. I don't know the reveal's point, but it was a serious momentum killer. This film was reviewed by Nick as part of Bitesize Breakdown's coverage of the 2024 Toronto International Film Festival.

EENIE MEANIE Starring: Samara Weaving, Karl Glusman, Andy Garcia, Mike O’Malley, Jermaine Fowler, Steve Zahn, Randall Park, Marshawn Lynch, and Chris Bauer Director: Shawn Simmons QUENTIN As far as straight-to-streaming distractions go, you could do worse than Eenie Meanie , mostly thanks to Samara Weaving. Her committed performance and take-no-shit charm are further evidence of why she should be a bigger star, especially considering she almost single-handedly saves Meanie ’s confused story. The problem is that writer-director Shawn Simmons doesn’t seem to know what kind of movie he wants to make. There is a bit of a character study at the center, but it’s drowned out by undercooked heist tropes, a wavetop toxic romance, and lackluster car chases. But worst of all? A complete waste of national treasure Marshawn Lynch. PAIGE Eenie Meanie , starring the always watchable Samara Weaving, has some promising elements to it, including cool driving sequences and a clever heist. This action thriller is right in Weaving’s wheelhouse, and she flexes her no-bullshit, badass attitude throughout. Unfortunately, the movie can’t quite get the tone and pacing right, both swerving all over the road. One minute it’s a high-speed chase, next it’s a family/romance drama, and then a crime comedy. Those mashups can work together, but director Shawn Simmons doesn’t blend them smoothly enough. Overall, Eenie Meanie may be rough around the edges, but I still stuck around and didn’t mind the ride. ROBERT It is heartening to see Hollywood generating stories for female actors that were normally reserved for their male counterparts. In Eenie Meanie , centering on Samara Weaving as the most competent wheelperson in the Rust Belt was an inspired choice. However, the ancillary pieces revolving around Weaving’s Edie, including the circumstances of the plot and the visual effects, were lackluster, resembling a Jason Statham B-movie. I couldn’t ride along fully with the film up until the last twenty minutes, when it ramped up to places I didn’t expect and found a deeper well of emotion of which I didn’t think it capable; not enough to salvage it though.

HONEY DON'T Starring: Margaret Qualley, Aubrey Plaza, Charlie Day, and Chris Evans Director: Ethan Coen ADRIANO In director/co-writer Ethan Coen's second lesbian crime B-movie, he might have lost the plot entirely. Despite a well-rounded and committed cast, Honey Don't! flip-flops through plot points, starting something interesting before pivoting to something else entirely, sometimes with little to no payoff, all in service of gags. In theory, this isn't an issue; it is a comedy after all. The problem? The gags are rarely ever funny. And as good as it looks, it's stylistically flat, especially compared to Drive-Away Dolls , making a film so forgettable that you can't help but hope Ethan will reunite with his brother soon. NICK Honey Don’t! is a step down from Drive Away Dolls in every way. While Margaret Qualley is fine as the lead, the story she’s given is a mess. The longer the film went, the more it became a parade of plot threads being introduced while others were dropped without justification. Even fleshed out ideas featured nonsensical and questionable character motivations or silly twists. It’s as if Ethan Coen and Trisha Cooke would write an idea, only to become distracted and abandon it. After this unfocused effort, I’m about done with this trilogy and ready for Ethan to find his way back to his brother Joel. PAIGE Honey Don't! is a pulpy, dry attempt at a comedic detective movie that is not only extremely dull but also quite a mess. It’s lacking that typical (Ethan) Coen-aesthetic we’re used to getting on the big screen, which is usually paired with sharp writing and character depth. Don’t get me wrong, the ensemble is great, really doing the best they can with what they are given. However, unfortunately, they just aren’t given much because the script is filled with blatant plot holes while lacking any sort of direction. Honestly, Honey Don’t! is a prime example of why the Coen Brothers need to reconnect and make another movie together.

Previous August 24, 2025 Next A BITESIZE CHAT WITH ROBBIE AMELL The Code 8 franchise spawned from an Indiegogo campaign, and Robbie Amell joins Nick to talk about going back to those roots to create the graphic novel Code 8: Tales of Lincoln City. He also touches on the upcoming finale of Upload and other future projects. Make sure to check out the campaign HERE and watch the final season of Upload on Prime Video. Interview conducted on August 23rd, 2025 by Nick van Dinther.

THE INSTITUTE: SEASON ONE Starring: Ben Barnes, Joe Freeman, Simone Miller, Fionn Laird, Hannah Galway, Julian Richings, Robert Joy, Martin Roach, and Mary-Louise Parker Creator: Benjamin Cavell QUENTIN On paper, The Institute has quite a bit going for it, including an interesting premise from Stephen King and a creepy actor or two that play in the “nefarious experiments” sandbox pretty well. Plus, who doesn’t like Mary-Louise Parker? However, the terrible writing, uninteresting protagonists, sluggish pacing, competing storylines, and general YA-ness of it all make for a yawn-inducing viewing experience. It seemingly wants to be a mix between The New Mutants and Stranger Things — which, again, not a bad idea for a show — but it’s too pedestrian to conjure real intrigue in the mystery it’s peddling and too neutered to generate any true dread.

Previous Next August 20, 2025 WRITTEN BY: QUENTIN While it’s true we are about to enter film festival season, when most eventual award winners start trickling out, something else is also brewing. Football is back, baby! Despite me being a massive fan of both movies and football, I’m not entirely sure where the overlap is between the two fandoms. However, I’d venture to say that most football fans probably enjoy movies about football. I’d also bet that many of those individuals play fantasy football. That’s where I come in… With the NFL season starting in a few weeks, most fantasy players are doing fantasy draft prep, myself included. But I’m also preparing for multiple film festivals. I recently applied to both Zurich and Sundance Film Festivals (among others), which means I need to look ahead to what their slates might be so I know what movies to prioritize. Meanwhile, I’ve long been studying which NFL players might be a breakout, bust, or sleeper this season. In splitting my research time between movies and fantasy football, the two lines of thinking merged, prompting the following question: Who would be on my Fictional Fantasy Football Team? The rules are simple… 1. Only fictional football players, television or film. That means no players based on real people, so no one from the likes of Remember the Titans or Invincible . 2. To maintain some variety, no two players from the same movie. Otherwise, I might end up drafting everyone from Any Given Sunday . 3. I’m limiting myself to movies and series that I’ve seen, which means there might be some glaring omissions, in your opinion. For example, I never watched NBC’s Friday Night Lights , so no Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch) or Brian “Smash” Williams (Gaius Charles). 4. Obviously, comparing high school players to NFL players is a fool’s errand, so I’m working with the general caveat that “all things are created equal,” meaning all fictional players are playing in the same league. Frankly, there just aren’t enough football movies to make this work otherwise. A stud high school player in Varsity Blues is the same as a stud professional in The Replacements . Also, I’m assuming all players are in their prime. 5. I’m going with the standard lineup: QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, FLEX, K, DST. Also, this is a PPR league (point per reception). 6. Lastly, I’m obviously not drafting against anyone else, so this team, in my eyes, is the best team available based on the rules above. Now, to quote Hank Williams, Jr., “are you ready for some FOOTBALLLLLLLLL!?!?!” QUARTERBACK: PAUL “WRECKING” CREWE, THE LONGEST YARD Specifically, I’m talking about the 1974 version of the character played by Burt Reynolds, not the 2005 version played by Adam Sandler. Nothing against Sandler, but Reynolds was a scholarship football player at Florida State, so his Crewe clearly has a more athletic build and probably better skillset than Sandler’s Crewe. Plus, real talk, quarterbacks in the 70s were just tougher than they are today. That notwithstanding, in his one on-screen game, he (eventually) shows composure, grit, determination, and leadership as he wills his team back from a 35-13 deficit against a dirty team not playing by the rules. He demonstrates incredible accuracy, the ability to make plays with his legs, and a solid game IQ. He’s also a former NFL MVP, so the talent is there to be an elite fantasy QB. RUNNING BACK: JULIAN “J-MAN” WASHINGTON, ANY GIVEN SUNDAY Look, I get that Julian Washington (LL Cool J) is a diva and one of the most selfish football players in on-screen history. However, this is a fantasy squad. I just need him to rack up yards and touchdowns, not be a positive locker room presence. For one, he’s stout at 6’2”, 230lbs. For comparison, the Philadelphia Eagles’ Saquon Barkley, who had a league-leading 2,283 total yards and 14 total touchdowns in 2024, is 6’, 234lbs. On top of that, Washington is a proven league-leading RB, having rushed for 1,500 yards the year before joining the Miami Sharks. He also has a reputation for constantly trying to get paid. Sure, that means his own head coach called him a “mercenary,” but it also means he’s doing everything in his power to hit all his incentive clauses and set up his next contract in free agency. In fantasy, that sort of selfishness wins championships. RUNNING BACK: RAY JENNINGS, DRAFT DAY We don’t have a ton of game film on Ray Jennings (Arian Foster), but there are a few anecdotes that make him a worthy RB2. We know that in his final season at Florida State, he had more than 2,000 total yards and finished as a Heisman finalist, which was enough to get him drafted #7 overall. We also know that his dad, Earl Jennings (Terry Crews) was an NFL legend, so there are good genes at play. Lastly, we know the actor portraying Jennings, former NFL RB Foster, was a dual-threat fantasy stud before injuries derailed his career. With the idea that actors put themselves into their characters, it’s not a giant leap to think Jennings could produce much like Foster did in his heyday, notching three All-Pro teams and four Pro-Bowls while leading the NFL in rushing touchdowns twice. WIDE RECEIVER: ROD TIDWELL, JERRY MAGUIRE Podcaster Bill Simmons once estimated that Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) had about 1,550 yards on 110 catches over the course of the season in Jerry Maguire . That is elite production, especially in 1996. For comparison, in real life, the most receptions in 1996 belonged to Jerry Rice (108) and the most receiving yards belonged to Isaac Bruce (1,338). So, yeah, he would have been the league’s best wideout. Although he is a bit undersized, he makes up for it with his intensity, competitiveness, and “kwan,” showing elite speed, great hands, and complete reliability as both a deep threat and a player who isn’t afraid to go across the middle. I could go on, but honestly, the estimated numbers speak for themselves. Tidwell is a first-round talent. WIDE RECEIVER: DEACON MOSS, THE LONGEST YARD You might think this is a cheat, but I said, “no two players from the same movie.” The Longest Yard (1974) and The Longest Yard (2005) are scientifically proven to be two separate movies. In fact, Deacon Moss (Michael Irvin) isn’t even a character in the original. Therefore, we’re good. In any case, Moss is a big-bodied, physical wideout that dominates defensive backs to make tough catches in traffic, and his incredible hands make him an indispensable offensive weapon. There is much we could speculate about how Moss would translate prison-yard skills to the NFL, but much like Ray Jennings, we have a perfect real-life parallel. Irvin, known as “The Playmaker,” was a three-time All-Pro and five-time Pro-Bowler who averaged almost 1,300 yards, 83 receptions, and seven touchdowns per season during his prime. The dude is an NFL Hall of Famer, and these numbers aren’t out of reach for Moss, whose inclusion is a no-brainer. When paired with Tidwell, that’s a 1-2 fantasy punch at WR that would be untouchable. TIGHT END: BRIAN MURPHY, THE REPLACEMENTS Much like real fantasy football, TE is slim pickings in fictional fantasy football too. After much research, Brian Murphy (David Denman) is the only fictional TE I could find with any usable profile. All evidence points to him having been a first-round talent if only he weren’t deaf, which is a good start. Former NFL fullback Derrick Coleman, also deaf, has shown that the hearing-impaired can have some NFL success. So, why not Murphy? He has the size and hands to be, if nothing else, a decent target in the red zone, as demonstrated by catching the game-winning, playoff-clinching touchdown against the Dallas Knights. At worst, he’s probably touchdown dependent, but that is all you can really hope for with most TEs, anyway. FLEX: BUDDY, AIR BUD: GOLDEN RECEIVER Wherever I happen to be as you’re reading this right now, just know that I can feel you rolling your eyes into another dimension. Just hear me out… First, yes, Buddy (Rush, Chase, Zak, and Chance) is a dog, but he’s also a multi-sport star. Name another athlete that has proven to be competitively successful in football, basketball, soccer, baseball, and volleyball. Second, name one person who could keep up with a golden retriever that runs the 40-yard dash in about 2.7 seconds. Given his speed and agility, Buddy is a matchup nightmare. Plus, it’s noted that he could run a marathon, so he has endurance too. As it pertains to football, specifically, he averages at least three touchdowns per game with zero drops. In the championship game alone, he has at least 140 rushing yards, 100 receiving yards, and three touchdowns. He averages 40 yards after the catch! You may think it’s silly to include him here, but those are Madden numbers, making for an unstoppable flex. It remains to be seen if he would be the highest scoring player in all of fantasy, but he’ll almost certainly be a very good boy, nevertheless. KICKER: LUCY DRAPER, NECESSARY ROUGHNESS Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland), a soccer player, is essentially the only offensive threat on a terrible team, which means since drives will inevitably stall in enemy territory, she will be inundated with field goal chances. She has also shown the ability to split the uprights in the driving rain and from distance with the game on the line, demonstrating the type of clutch poise that would make Ray Finkle jealous. Let’s not forget that she also stood up to an opposing player in tremendous fashion after being taunted for being a woman in a “man’s game,” so she’s got the moxie typical of most successful football players. DEFENSE/SPECIAL TEAMS: UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA, FORREST GUMP I admit, this one may be a cheat. Yes, I said no real people, but even as I recognize the University of Alabama is a real team, I’m drafting it for a very specific and very fictional reason: Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks). If you don’t play fantasy football, you may not know that, in addition to scoring fantasy points based on how many real points your fantasy defense gave up in a real game, you usually get points for kickoff and punt return yards and touchdowns too. Gump was a machine on that front, even becoming an All-American for seemingly doing little else but returning kickoffs for touchdowns (in the movie, at least). Now, Gump attended Alabama from 1959 to 1963. I don’t know anything else about the rest of Alabama’s team in the world of Forrest Gump , but in real life, Alabama went 38-4-1 during that time, including winning the national title in 1961 when they only gave up 25 total points in 11 games. I also know that Gump had six kickoff returns for touchdowns in his first season (both the real-life NCAA and NFL record is four in a season), one of which was for 99 yards. Lastly, in 2024, the average touchdowns scored by a DST was 1.6 (the Denver Broncos had the most with five). That includes touchdowns stemming from interceptions, fumble recoveries, kickoff returns, and punt returns. If Gump can continue breaking return touchdown records while racking up return yards in support of an apparently stout defensive unit, that creates a significant advantage over every other team.