HAUNTED MANSION
Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Jamie Lee Curtis, Chase Dillon, and Jared Leto
Director: Justin Simien
NICK
There's a gritty animated sequence in Haunted Mansion that is both a highlight and a clear roadmap as to how this entire film should have been done. Instead, we get a snippet in that style, and the rest is just underwhelming effects and a story that does nothing to improve on the 2003 iteration. Not scary enough to appease horror fans, nor funny enough to consider itself a comedy, this film is decidedly mid. Although it boasts an eclectic cast, their talents are often wasted thanks to a bland script, save for LaKeith Stanfield, who has some nice heartfelt moments. Overall, it’s a missed opportunity.
AMARÚ
LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, and newcomer Chase Dillon try their best to have fun with Haunted Mansion, but when the dialogue sounds like the purposeful overacting used for haunted amusement park rides, there isn’t much you can do to salvage it. There are instances where the 90s Halloween kids’ movie vibe they’re looking for shines through, but they’re too few and far between the disjointed scenes loosely connected by plot conveniences and cheesy conversations. That’s a nice try there Disney, but you could’ve done so much better with the talent you put on this project.
ADRIANO
Let’s just get this out of the way: Haunted Mansion is a bad movie. I enjoyed the 2003 film, and similar to that one, there is fun to be had despite its many flaws; however, this one feels way too manufactured for me to say I enjoyed myself. The cast is…fine. Owen Wilson got some laughs out of me, and LaKeith Stanfield is a really great lead. But it’s an hour too long, and its attempted exploration of grief is way too forced to be effective. At best, it might be worth watching when it comes out on Disney+.
JACOB
So far as I am aware, no one was actually asking for a remake of Disney’s The Haunted Mansion, but occasionally remakes no one asked for can become the exception to the rules of diminishing returns (see: Steven Spielberg’s West Side Story). Unfortunately, this new rendition is one that can’t escape those rules. That’s not to say it’s outright bad, but there’s nothing about it that really pops beyond its ensemble, and only Tiffany Haddish and Owen Wilson seem to properly fit its (underdeveloped) script. Plus, since the film miscasts LaKeith Stanfield, there’s only so much it can believably pull off.
