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October 31, 2024

WRITTEN BY: THE BITESIZE CREW

When it comes to horror movies, most people probably would agree that the villain is perhaps the most important aspect. Sure, clever concepts, jump scares, eerie atmosphere, and all that other stuff certainly matter, but if you can nail the villain, the rest of the movie can honestly be pretty lacking and still come out a winner on the other side.


As we approach Halloween, the Bitesize crew has been discussing how great the horror genre has been in 2024, especially on the villain front. Several movies were name-dropped in the group chat, including Alien: Romulus, Strange Darling, and Blink Twice, but the conversation became more focused at the mention of two movies: Longlegs and Heretic, both of which feature against-type performances from great actors.


Longlegs, of course, features an instantly iconic horror villain played by Nicolas Cage. Cage certainly is no stranger to the horror game, but he is almost never a full-on villain (horror or otherwise), so his performance as Longlegs was a bit against type. He has even gone so far as to say he’ll never play a serial killer again because it’s just too dark. Then you have Heretic, where the typically charming, snarky, and affable Hugh Grant dives headfirst in horror villainy, doing everything he can to subvert your expectations and preconceived notions about his reputation. Both movies are terrific, at least partly, because of those unexpected performances, which got us to throw out our own horror pitches featuring against-type performances from typically “good guy” actors and actresses.


So, hey, Hollywood, hear us out…

GEORGE CLOONEY AS AN OBSESSIVE STALKER (AND HIMSELF)

 

Full disclosure: My pitch is a bit of a rip off. However, since nothing in Hollywood is truly original, away we go… In 2005, it was announced that Brad Pitt would star in the comedy Chad Schmidt, which was about a struggling actor named Chad Schmidt who happened to look like Pitt. Pitt was to play both roles. Unfortunately, that movie fell apart, but the idea has never left my mind. As such, I want to repurpose it as a horror movie.

 

However, instead of Pitt, who has played some dark, murderous characters in his career (not to mention the unfavorable tabloid stories), let’s go with his best bud, Hollywood Golden Boy George Clooney. Clooney has, technically, played “bad guys,” but not to the psychopathic degree I’m thinking here. Much like Pitt in Schmidt, Clooney will play two roles: himself — the handsome, fun-loving, mega-wattage, well-respected, award-winning, A-list movie star that he is in real life; and his stalker, a man that looks like Clooney from The Wasteland — unkempt, dirty, scarred, balding, and slightly off. He looks like someone tried to draw Clooney from memory. He’s hated, disrespected, lonely, forgotten, and unseen, which he’s bitter about because, in Clooney, he sees the life that he should be living. Eventually, he has a psychotic break, and his simple obsession escalates to viciously murderous stalking as he attempts to take over Clooney’s life. Given that this film can touch on themes of celebrity, obsession, fandoms, public perception, and the American Dream, all of which Clooney probably has some personal thoughts on, Clooney could be well-suited to direct. That said, Clooney’s directorial career has been hit and miss, so maybe we play it safe with David Fincher. - Quentin

SAOIRSE RONAN AS AN 18TH CENTURY VAMPIRE

 

In this atmospheric, 18th-century-set, slow-burn gothic horror, Saoirse Ronan stars as the deathly pale but eerily beautiful Mary. She resides in a small, rural puritanical community with her pious family, all of whom have been cursed with immortality by a centuries-old vampire who mocked their faith and devotion. The townspeople find Mary unnerving as her and her family try to live unassumingly alongside the human population. Other than taking the necessary amount of blood required to function, they’re seeking a simple, honest life, attempting to suppress their true nature so they can quietly move on when their eternal youth and the occasional disappearance become suspicious. However, Mary secretly longs to explore her bloodthirsty desires, murder the god-fearing townsfolk, and exploit her true power. As the family prepares to relocate again, the local church gains a new priest. He is immediately suspicious of them and is determined to solve the mysterious crimes. For her part, Mary is fascinated by him, but infuriated by his efforts to expose them, so she sets out to manipulate him, lead him astray, and disrupt his investigation by any means necessary. The film could be directed by Mike Flanagan, who is able to create the chilling tone, and has proven successful in handling religious themes before. Plus, Ronan would be alluring as a vampire, and it would be incredible to see her show her range and darker side. – Katie


DEWANDA WISE AND JESSE WILLIAMS AS A CHARMING BUT ENIGMATIC COUPLE WHO AREN’T WHAT THEY SEEM

 

Pardon me as I pander to Jamie Foxx fans for a second, but whenever I see DeWanda Wise or Jesse Williams on my screen, I always imagine Foxx whispering to me, “you looked in his eyes, didn’t you?”  That Prince-inspired joke immediately comes to mind when I see Wise’s and Williams’ strikingly beautiful gazes. Those eyes that you can’t help but getting lost in would be one of the central conceits in a psychological thriller that sees Wise and Williams as the couple you wish you were (the other conceit would be Black Don’t Crack because they for damn sure don’t look their actual ages).

 

Imagine our movie opens with two famous up-and-coming actors, like Zendaya and Tom Holland, who meet Wise and Williams at an outing, à la Speak No Evil. The older couple catches their attention with a look, and the young co-stars can’t help but get drawn in. Over the course of the night, Holland and Zendaya get more and more comfortable, eventually agreeing to join Williams and Wise in group outings and get-togethers. As their friendship grows, mysterious things that can’t be explained increasingly happen. If this sounds familiar, it’s because you’ve seen this movie before. However, no matter how many times I’ve seen stories like Blink Twice or Midsommar, if the script is well written, the cast is entertaining, and the mystery behind the older couple is unique, I’m always game to watch another version, and seeing Williams and Wise, who are often cast as the best friend/intriguing neighbor type, tapping into something nefarious and downright dastardly would be a blast to see. Plus, using their ageless looks and dazzling eyes can add any number of supernatural elements to the mystery of their cult-like power over others. – Amarú

JASON MOMOA AS A PRETERNATURAL RASPUTIN

 

What if what Russia has become today, with its aggressive foreign policy, human rights issues, and authoritarian political leanings, was more insidiously provoked by one historically mysterious man, Grigori Rasputin? Looking back at history, how did this illiterate peasant rise to be, essentially, the proxy co-ruler of Russia? His influence was undeniable, as almost immediately following his assassination in 1916, the House of Romanov, the tsarist rulers for over three centuries, lost power. He didn’t get into that position of power by wielding geo-political know-how, either. Instead, he used religious charlatanism to coerce his victims into sexual debauchery while advancing his hedonistic tendencies, all for the supposed holy cause. Let’s lean into the spiritually evil component here to paint the story of a Satanic man who poisons a nation through the lens of a supremely dark, horror period piece. For me, an unlikely Jason Momoa would be terrific as Rasputin. He can certainly look the part, and it would give him the opportunity to showcase his acting chops in the horror genre, especially with the help of Robert Eggers behind the camera. Also, for what it’s worth, I’m not the first Bitesizer to make a case for a film about the Siberian mystic (read Quentin’s article HERE), and perhaps together he and I can make this Rasputin film dream of ours come true. Or perhaps a rhapsodic ritual is needed to convince you… – Preston


ELLEN DEGENERES AS A CHILD-MURDERING “KAREN”

 

Mirroring the allegations from Ellen DeGeneres' real life, the film begins with her leaning into her lovable (albeit somewhat nosy) persona as Julie, the newest resident of a quiet, white-picket-fence neighborhood. As a proverbial ray of sunshine, Julie is immediately loved by all, especially the community mothers. However, the honeymoon period soon wears off as she begins to show her true colours as an off-kilter "Karen." She becomes a nightmare as her nosy tendencies turn into complaints about everything from the upkeep of surrounding properties to the way her neighbours raise their children. She's highly annoying, but relatively harmless. However, something about her just seems off, so when the neighbourhood children start to disappear, all eyes turn to the increasingly unbalanced outsider.


Comedians heading into horror isn’t new territory, but it’s a place where I think DeGeneres could thrive. I mean, her career has taken a 180° turn, so why not lean into that? Once the film really starts to take off, it gives her a chance to channel someone truly sinister, complete with blood, gore, and, of course, murder. The unhinged Julie is the perfect comeback role for an actress ready to shed that squeaky clean daytime persona, and no other director can bring it all together like Sam Raimi. A mix of laughs, thrills, and chills, this has all the potential to be a modern-day horror hit. – Nick


GLEN POWELL AS A SERIAL KILLER

 

Picture this: One of our newest and brightest movie stars — a man known for his wicked charm and leading man charisma — suddenly decides to play with our expectations by playing the role of a blood-thirsty killer. Glen Powell truly is the perfect movie star, so much so that, even though he has only headlined a few titles, we already picture him as the quintessential “hero.” So, what would a slasher film look like with Powell using his rugged good looks and ear-to-ear smile to form the character of a serial killer? You could play it as a misdirect to inflict a surprise reveal, but honestly, the idea of the audience knowing he's the killer, watching him charm characters and possible victims could be even scarier. Personally, even when well done, the idea of a creepy-looking person being the killer is not as interesting as when it's the person you’d least expect, and for my money right now, Powell is the last person I can imagine as a psychopath.  – Adriano


TOM HANKS AS A LOVING GRANDPA WITH A PAST

 

Fun fact: Tom Hanks’ first movie role was in the low-budget slasher He Knows You're Alone (1980). However, as his career has progressed, he has earned the title of “America’s Dad” because of his penchant for heartwarming, family-friendly roles. But have you ever wondered if he has a darker side that is just lurking to come out and play? I know I sure have! I’d love to see him let it out in a return to the horror genre.

 

On the anniversary of his wife’s passing, Ed’s (Hanks) grandkids decide to spend the weekend at grandpa’s house while their parents go on vacation. While there, the adolescent teens stumble upon a bunch of old newspaper clippings about “The Stranger,” a famous serial killer from the past that was never caught. At first, they find it a little odd that gentle ol’ grandpa has a scrapbook about a murderer, but then they find a box full of random jewelry — jewelry that is mentioned in the news articles as missing items from the victims. This is when they begin to realize that maybe their grandfather isn’t so innocent after all. As they try to play it cool until the end of the weekend, Ed’s demeanor completely changes (imagine John Goodman’s character in 10 Cloverfield Lane) when he realizes someone has gone through his belongings to see something that should not have been seen. This is when things take a sinister turn. His secret can’t get out, and he will do whatever it takes to protect himself, even if that means ditching his pitch-perfect grandpa persona to reveal his true inner demon to the ones he loves most. – Paige

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