35. THE SOUFFLEUR

Regardless of quality, at only 74 minutes, The Souffleur is barely a feature film. It just so happens that, feature film or not, it’s also terrible. Willem Dafoe is one of the rare actors that could make reading the phone book compelling, and to his credit, he does what he can whenever he is on screen. However, nothing he does is in service of anything resembling a coherent story. There are obvious setups that are never called back to, and random shots of nothingness that feel like filler. In fact, so much of this movie feels like padding to reach a designated runtime that its existence confuses me.

34. HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE

My favorite subject when it comes to nature documentaries is the deep sea because it’s such an alien and unique ecosystem. So, How Deep is Your Love, a documentary about wildlife on the ocean floor, really piqued my interest, especially since it’d be on the big screen. Sadly, this is more like a stuffy college lecture than the engagingly beautiful documentaries like Planet Earth. The narration is extremely bland and lacking in personality (as are the featured researchers), while much of the nature footage is relegated to sea creatures simply drifting into view of a stationary camera. It’s just not very dynamic, making it a snoozer.

33. I LOVE YOU, I LEAVE YOU

Documentaries are tough to review. More than any other genre, one needs to have an inherent interest in the subject. It’s like a museum — if you don’t care about spatulas, a spatula museum would be a bore. I Love You, I Leave You is not unlike a spatula museum. I only watched it because it won Zurich’s Best Documentary and Audience Award. However, I don’t know anything about Swiss musician Dino Brandão, and while his battle with bipolar disorder and how it affects those around him is quietly thought provoking, that lack of familiarity and the extremely no-frills presentation means I was never fully interested.

32. WHISPERS IN THE WOODS

There isn’t much to Whispers in the Woods, a French documentary about the Vosges. It’s like a nature-driven coffee table book you flip through at the doctor’s office. You love the pictures, and each one is more impressive than the next. However, you aren’t reading any of the words. You’re simply skimming through the stunning photos. This documentary has the same problem. Every time it focused on the striking wildlife imagery (with incredible sound design), I was captivated. Whenever it focused on the photographer telling his story, I checked out. I was in a perpetual state of wanting to flip to the next cool photo.

31. DESERT WARRIOR

Unbeknownst to me beforehand, Desert Warrior had a myriad of production problems. It is also Saudi Arabia’s first Hollywood-style blockbuster. Given that, I suppose it’s a tiny miracle that it made it to the screen at all. But maybe it shouldn’t have because it’s not very good. The story is a slow-moving, generic, and empty mess that features barely serviceable performances, at best. On the plus side, it’s absolutely stunning to look at, so it’s a commendable advertisement for Saudi Arabia’s film industry, especially for desert epics. As such, this is a postcard in film form: gorgeous scenery that says nothing more than “wish you were here!”

30. THE WIZARD OF THE KREMLIN

There is an interesting story buried somewhere in The Wizard of the Kremlin, but writer-director Olivier Assayas fails to capture it. First off, this movie is way too long, especially considering the first hour offers unnecessary backstory that is ultimately irrelevant to the plot’s central relationship between Vladimir Putin (Jude Law) and Vadim Baranov (Paul Dano). Second, presenting the story as fiction is confusing. There is a lot of truth here, but I’m not completely sure what is true and what is false, so what’s the point? Lastly, it’s a nitpick, but not even an attempt at Russian accents? Except for Law, this is an across-the-board mess.

29. THE MASTERMIND

Man, how do you screw up a heist movie set in the 70s this badly? The Mastermind is a slog, delivering a man-on-the-run story that is completely devoid of tension, action, or palpable stakes. These movies only work when you’re invested in whether or not the thief (Josh O’Connor) gets caught. There is none of that here. If that weren’t bad enough, the characters are so paper thin that single-ply toilet paper would be jealous. This all amounts to a movie that offers the audience nothing but a period-perfect 70s aesthetic and an equally impressive jazz score.

28. THE TESTAMENT OF ANN LEE

The Testament of Ann Lee is handsomely made, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it finds itself in the Oscar conversation, especially Amanda Seyfried. However, this just isn’t my cup of tea. I’ve never been particularly fond of movie musicals, and Testament revels in all the things I typically don’t like about them. The songs are redundant and repetitive, adding very little value, which makes the movie feel much longer than it actually is. It’s also weirdly over-narrated, adding to the redundancy. Mostly though, I find Lee (Seyfried) and Shakers’ religious doctrine to be certifiably insane, so it was hard to take any of it seriously.

27. DANDELION’S ODYSSEY

If, like me, you were hoping for Dandelion’s Odyssey to be the next Flow, I need to reset your expectations. While it certainly shares some aspects, with both being nature-driven animated movies with zero dialogue, Odyssey is a weird one. It mixes real-life time-lapse photography and CGI in ways that are creative, experimental, and always visually appealing (unless you are freaked out by slugs; there are so many slugs). Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a compelling narrative to make the visuals on screen anything more than something cool to look at, resulting in more of a trippy sensory experience than a movie. Maybe hit a dispensary beforehand.

26. REBUILDING

Although I didn’t particularly care for it, Rebuilding offers a naturalistic look at… well, rebuilding one’s life after a natural disaster. To be fair, other than being a tad too slow and meditative, I can’t point to any single thing I didn’t like about it, per se. Maybe these types of movies just aren’t for me, because this is very reminiscent of Nomadland, which I also didn’t care for. All that said, I relate to and admire the overall message that losing everything doesn’t mean losing everything. I just didn’t need a lethargic 95 minutes to drive that point home.

25. RETREAT

Given that it unfolds entirely through sign language, I have the utmost respect for what Retreat accomplished. As you can imagine, the barrier for entry is difficult if you don’t sign, and unlike with an audible foreign language, it can be difficult to place the emotion being conveyed while reading subtitles in silence. As a result, everything comes off as a tad lacking. The fact that Retreat is based on a short story may also be a factor, particularly when it comes to plotting. Still though, an incredibly impressive and ambitious effort, even if it’s a mixed bag.

24. BALLAD OF A SMALL PLAYER

Though incredibly stylish and anchored by a committed and typically terrific performance from Colin Farrell, Ballad of a Small Player is simply too messy to be anything but a passing diversion, especially if you have a curiosity about Macau. I assume director Edward Berger’s intent was to demonstrate the chaos in Lord Doyle’s (Farrell) life by making everything on screen equally chaotic, from the genre hopping to the camera work; however, in execution, that lack of focus leaves viewers on an island with an awful character for no justifiable reason. It’s a hollow experience that left me with more questions than answers. Doyle’s suits, though? chef’s kiss

23. RENTAL FAMILY

Given these turbulent times, if you need a source — any source — of optimistic, heartwarming feels, Rental Family will almost certainly deliver. Granted, those feels are incredibly shallow and extremely superficial since the characters are mostly just pawns to get you to the next saccharine story beat, but good feels are good feels. Unfortunately, the narrative doesn’t have much lasting heft behind it either because Brendan Fraser is somewhat miscast, with his ever-present teddy bear persona never allowing for a full character arc. Still, you could do worse than Rental Family, even if this cynic found it to be a little too sentimental.

22. H IS FOR HAWK

H is for Hawk features two plotlines. The first is about Helen (Claire Foy) coping with her father’s death. While Foy carries the requisite emotional weight, it’s thinly written and seems beside the point. The second, more central plotline shows Helen becoming addicted to falconry, which is engrossing as her relationship with the hawk takes flight. However, true story notwithstanding, the grief angle isn’t needed; it distracts from the compelling bird-training moments. Hawk would have been better had it simply been about a woman and her new hobby instead of an uplifting and tropey take on grief-induced addiction (H is for hawk, not heroin, you see).

21. HEDDA

Between Tessa Thompson’s scenery-chewing performance, Nia DaCosta’s magnetic direction, and the sultry set and costume design, Hedda has a lot going for it. Thompson, in particular, is captivating in the early goings as a mysterious agent of chaos. She keeps the viewer’s interest piqued as the curiosity of who she is and what she might be up to mounts. However, once her plot is revealed, it all kind of fizzles out. The intrigue is in the not knowing, and once you’re let in on Hedda’s (Thompson) designs, the air is let out of the balloon, resulting in an unsatisfying climax. It’s all fabulous to behold, though.

20. FATHER MOTHER SISTER BROTHER

Like most anthologies, the three chapters of Father Mother Sister Brother aren’t created equal. While they all boast great performances, the intrigue conjured is inconsistent given how they are placed in the film’s structure. For example, the second chapter is so much like the first that it’s repetitive. Variety between those two chapters would have worked wonders. There also are recurring references throughout the film that are there for no other reason than to create a Leo-pointing-meme moment. However, once the distinctly different third chapter ends, the movie’s lovely intent is revealed, which is when you realize this is about the destination, not the journey.

19. TWINLESS

At its core, Twinless is a standard bromantic comedy. Sure, writer-director (and co-lead) James Sweeney adds his own nuanced flavor and brand of melodrama, but the tropes are all the same. That’s not to say it’s bad, as it easily coasts on the heartfelt chemistry between Sweeney and Dylan O’Brien, the latter of whom gives a tremendous dual performance as the confidently charismatic Rocky and emotionally vulnerable Roman. Still, window dressing aside, from Wedding Crashers to You’ve Got Mail, you’ve seen the basic bones of this story structure before, which keeps it from becoming something special even though it’s a pretty decent movie in its own right.

18. SPLITSVILLE

Splitsville is not without moments of humor, but it’s more chuckle comedy than laugh-out-loud comedy, which is odd because it’s such an absurdist farce. Each progressive plot point and escalating development is more and more unrealistic, to the point that I started rolling my eyes at the predictable situations more than chuckling at them. That doesn’t make it a bad movie, as Splitsville would be a good, lighthearted date movie given its charming performances and interesting ideas on modern relationships; however, for better or worse, it’s all a bit too silly and rooted in an unbelievable reality that will leave you thinking “people don’t behave this way.”

17. CALIFORNIA SCHEMIN’

While I fully appreciate that first-time director James McAvoy wanted to make a brisk, 90ish-minute movie (enough with the three-hour movies!), I think he might have been a little too committed to that idea. As a result, California Schemin’ is engaging but somewhat shallow; the character beats come so fast and furious that they barely resonate or feel earned. By McAvoy’s own admission, he cut a lot of stuff out, which almost certainly killed some of the dramatic weight. It’s still a good movie, especially for music fans, but it’s slighter than it probably should have been. It might have been better as a miniseries, honestly.

16. THE THING WITH FEATHERS

I admit my thoughts on The Thing with Feathers may be a little biased because my mother passed away earlier this year, but this unsubtle metaphor about grief and loss worked for me despite some pretty notable flaws. To be fair, it’s easy to overlook said flaws when Benedict Cumberbatch gives such an emotional performance. That said, the film is a tonal mishmash, jumping from emotionally heavy drama to jump-scare horror to even unintentional comedy at the drop of a hat. This could easily undercut the story for some people, but for me and my personal context, I found it to be rather cathartic.

15. FATHER

The winner of Zurich Film Festival’s coveted Golden Eye, Father is an intense examination of a man ruined by Forgotten Baby Syndrome. Director Tereza Nvotová uses a series of long tracking shots and documentary-style camerawork, often focusing on Michal’s (Milan Ondrik) face, to immerse the viewer in his grief, guilt, and self-loathing (probably even more so for parents). By effectively putting Michal’s headspace at the forefront, as well as Ondrik’s emotionally raw performance, she hides some minor plotting hiccups, including time jumps that can be initially confusing and an ending message I don’t fully understand. Still, I can see why Father won Zurich’s Feature Film Competition.

14. ANIMAL FARM

Andy Serkis’s adaptation of George Orwell’s Animal Farm is an odd one. On one hand, many of Orwell’s original themes are relevant today, particularly in the United States, which makes a movie like this even more important right now. On the other hand, this is a movie geared towards younger audiences. Will kids pick up on any of the timely subtext? Will they even care? I just don’t know. Still, it’s an enjoyable film with great vocal performances by the star-studded cast, but it falls into the purgatory of being too childish to be strictly for adults and too thematically nuanced to be strictly for kids.

13. ROOFMAN

Roofman is a charming love story featuring charming performances that surely will charm a non-discerning couple on date night. No, it’s not particularly memorable, but it’s a highly rewatchable blend of comedy, heart, and 90s nostalgia. Yet, I was left wondering why I was rooting for this dirtbag. Because he’s polite? All of Jeffrey Manchester’s (Channing Tatum) rough edges have been sanded down to create an almost algorithm-generated leading man that ladies may fawn over. That’s fine, I suppose, but it makes for an overly sugarcoated, crowd-pleasing movie seemingly afraid to explore the more complicated themes present in fear of losing general audiences (and box office revenue).

12. EPIC: ELVIS PRESLEY IN CONCERT

At this point, your feelings about Elvis Presley are probably set. Nothing I say is going to convince someone who doesn’t care about Elvis to watch EPiC: Elvis Presley in Concert, just like I’m not going to deter massive Elvis fans by saying it’s terrible. With that said, coming from this Elvis fan, EPiC is a must see. The concert footage is electric, providing the on-stage excitement most of us never experienced first-hand, while the off-stage footage goes to great lengths to show Elvis as an actual person and not just the monolithic icon. Like I said, though…you already know, going in both directions.

11. CHRISTY

There isn’t anything particularly ground-breaking about Christy, as it follows most of the usual sports biopic tropes, especially those centered on queer women athletes. But for someone who had no idea about Christy Martin’s (a committed Sydney Sweeney, giving a career best performance) story, I was engaged through all the standard sex, drugs, abuse, and mother-daughter friction. Granted, it helps when the performances are this good (the perpetually underrated and chameleonic Ben Foster also is great), but there is a reason these stories keep getting told. Simply put, they make for good drama. Yeah, it’s somewhat familiar, but that’s not always a bad thing. 

10. TUNER

There is nothing particularly special or groundbreaking about Tuner, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth your time. The simple fact is that this is a good, old-fashioned throwback that feels like an elevated mix of 90s favorites Rounders and Grosse Pointe Blank. Given those nostalgic vibes, it’s possible that slightly older (read: millennials) viewers will appreciate it a bit more than the youths; however, between the charming leads, believable romance, jazzy score, lived-in humor, and heist-adjacent elements, it delivers a fun, if formulaic, date movie. Plus, it’s always nice to see Dustin Hoffman having a good time.

9. BUGONIA

As a director, it must be tough when your adherence to being weirdly unpredictable leads to being the total opposite. While I understand it’s a remake, that is the problem director Yorgos Lanthimos faces with Bugonia. Had this black comedy been made by any other filmmaker, I likely would have enjoyed the ride a bit more. However, I knew exactly where this story was going from jump street, which hurt my experience a bit. That aside, the performances are as excellent as you’d assume, and Lanthimos’ delightfully oddball tone permeates every corner of the film. For better or worse, it’s exactly what I expected.

8. THE LAST VIKING

I’m not sure why, but it seems the world takes Mads Mikkelsen’s acting talent for granted. In The Last Viking, he gives a hilarious, against-type performance (relative to everything I’ve seen him do, at least) that is sweet, silly, and lovable. He, alone, is worth the price of admission. His brilliance aside, director Anders Thomas Jensen has successfully mixed Rain Main, The Dream Team, and The Coen Bros. to create a movie that is as moving as it is violent. On paper, I’m not sure any of it should work, but it all comes together beautifully as something heartfelt, sincere, and darkly entertaining.

7. THE SMASHING MACHINE

While the story stays a little too wavetop, never fully exploring the toxic relationship between Mark (Dwayne Johnson) and Dawn (Emily Blunt), Mark’s drug use and recovery, or the initial rise and controversy surrounding UFC, The Smashing Machine is a showcase for Johnson’s mostly unseen dramatic acting ability. He is magnetic, carrying the film on his unbelievably hulking frame. That’s not to discount Blunt’s performance or Benny Safdie’s direction — both are noteworthy — but I simply couldn’t look away from Johnson even as some emotional beats felt unearned. If this signals a definitive career pivot for the superstar, I can’t wait to see what’s next.

6. AFTER THE HUNT

I’ve been underwhelmed by Luca Guadagnino’s films thus far, but After the Hunt, though imperfect, is easily my favorite work of his. As the battle on political correctness and performative wokeness rages on, Guadagnino captivatingly explores modern-day snowflake syndrome and the cultural divide between Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z. As a result, this is a film that may trigger you or make you feel seen, or both; the ability to effectively elicit such divisive yet accurate opinions, even within oneself, is evidence of a master filmmaker. The excellent performances he pulls from the perfectly cast ensemble is icing on the cake.

5. THE LOST BUS

Whether bombastic in scale or a more grounded true story, I’m a sucker for natural disaster flicks. The Lost Bus hues closer to the latter, and the intimate storytelling and almost quiet performances from Matthew McConaughey and America Ferrera make for effective and relatable human drama. However, it’s director Paul Greengrass’ signature directorial style, the incredible sound design, and the stellar fire effects that really immerse the viewer. At times, the scenario can even overpower the characters, but at no point are you ever not invested in everyone’s survival. Tense, kinetic, and engrossing, The Lost Bus is easily among Apple’s best original films.

4. NUREMBERG

Although it certainly has moments when it feels more like a history lesson than it should, the fact remains that it’s a lesson some still need to learn. Through powerhouse performances, particularly from an Oscar-worthy Russell Crowe who somehow gives Hermann Göring humanity, director James Vanderbilt delivers a compelling courtroom drama that, surprisingly, mostly lets the facts speak for themselves without sensationalizing them (not that he really needed to). It can, admittedly, get a little preachy, but like I said, this is a sermon that many people still need to hear, sadly. Nuremberg is a dark horse Oscar player.

3. FRANKENSTEIN

Truth be told, I’ve long considered director Guillermo del Toro to be overrated, but my tune has changed with Frankenstein. Although long-winded and somewhat tonally disjointed, I can’t deny that this immaculately crafted and lavishly designed adaptation hooked me almost immediately through its terrific performances and grand scale. Del Toro’s gothic sensibilities are perfectly aligned with Mary Shelley’s poetic story of loss and guilt, creating everything I wanted and failed to get from Robert Eggers’ Nosferatu (a slog of a movie). I wouldn’t call it a masterpiece like some have, but the Hollywood machine is doing cinema and cinephiles a disservice by releasing Frankenstein on Netflix.

2. JAY KELLY

As a person who loves movies about movies (and, by proxy, movie stars), Jay Kelly was right up my alley. George Clooney is perfectly cast, essentially playing himself (a running joke in the movie), as a superstar actor grappling with the shallow relationships and disheartening loneliness of mega fame. It deftly walks a tight rope between self-indulgent navel-gazing and brilliant meta subtext. And as good as Clooney is, it’s Adam Sandler who steals the movie as he once again proves that he is a legitimate actor. If this were to be Clooney’s final movie (it won’t be), it’d be something pored over for years to come.

1. PILLION

I say this literally, respectfully, and with zero negative connotation: Pillion is one of the gayest movies I’ve ever seen. If Brokeback Mountain made you uncomfortably squirm in your seat, this ain’t for you. But if you can handle it, Pillion is a tender and beautiful coming-of-age love story that deserves way more recognition than it is likely to get. Yeah, it’s an explicit, surprisingly-not-NC-17 look at homosexual Dom/Sub relationships, but there is so much humanity, vulnerability, and compassion, particularly in Alexander Skarsgård’s Oscar-worthy performance, that it should speak to anyone who has experienced the roller coaster of first love, gay or straight.